Reality check

despise a smile- My one tooth crooked and dramatic over bite
i really prevent myself from smiling...

and willingly to..even knowing the positive psychological effects smiling can do for me and others....

I dare a dentist to tell me I need braces....i swore to never speak..and no I'm not joking..

despise cold winter days- I look 13 in jeans....id like to believe I have the figure of and hour glass but i only weigh about 113, dresses seem to be the only thing that embraces a wanna be sex appeal..

I march stores desperately...to learn fashion essentially to look near sexy..

impressively..still doesn't fix within..

epicly I'm a hairdresser by will..

just an excuse to stare at the mirror to notice my skin and my thin upper lip

with a bottom that barely exists...

I obsess over the looks of others and no my clients don't know this..

I was bashed for taking extra time by employers...

while clients say I'm simply a perfectionist 

i have this rush of adrenaline and i know this might seem irrelevant 

i see a beautiful woman and wonder...

how about the rest of it?

no I'm not a lesbian..

but I'm curious as to why us woman ...seem to be competitive?

I'm 20 years old...already thought of face lifts..

lip injections...fake tits..even going as far as breaking my ribs..

why? so i can simply be curvaceous 

I tell myself my legs are like a chickens

and my face is like a pigeon...

does my innocent self deserve this...

ironically i hate attention

but yet want to be noticed

they say having a beautiful heart is your secret weapon

but sometimes that could hold you back from being a confident person

society says you are worthless

while god says it isn't worth it!

how far will go to be what they call gorgeous

when you find a real man who compliments your beauty within

more then the surface

to come to realization we are all far from perfect

to understand the cancer behind all this bullshit

to fear the consequence behind corsets that displace organs

to realize that natural beauty is almost foreign

to understand your role models on magazines are hopeless

to appreciate gods gift and be blessed you aren't homeless

so before spending that extra money on waste 

allow your success to have a purpose

before you lose purpose and become another puppet in this...

circus

and when you ask yourself why you aren't happy within..know that you earned it

you are officially a beauty addict 

now find yourself a companion that will re-hers it 

Written by Esra Chebli

What is love...

They said you cannot force love,
but it only made sense to me that it'll be easy to dig through an opened wound
now, not to be cruel...
but i was able to council my way in and find comfort in the fire of this fume
i sat in your heart and i managed to stay on mute as you desensitized your pain into me
now here's the proof....there is now not only one..but two of you
you see sometimes something as pure as water isn't enough to burn the fire
and that is truth...
now i helplessly wonder ..wheres the cure
while you sabotage the extra weight in your heart...
i mean i figured there have been just enough room...
and you'll realize you are only being abused when you are put to blame for the love you didn't use
but have given to them they initially didn't refuse ...now don't worry you lost comfort
but now here's the real issue.....your dangerously secure
that they don't even have to miss you or owe up to the pain you endure
its suddenly your fault , your the cause for allowing your heart to approve...
bullshit!
you were a crying little boy abandoned by god
lost by cause blaming others for why  you were alone
and just because i was alone for the stupid little reasons
i fell into your game and you crumbled me to pieces
just like the cannabis you blazed tucked into the heart of white sheets
I made you high and yes....to you i was something just as temporary
half the time you answered me blanklessly
what is love...?
they said you are just attached and comfortable..
i didn't understand..
because to me that sounded like love..
and if that wasn't love...then what is?
being detached and uncomfortable.
when i found no greater gift...
after i spent years of my time..
does society now call me obsessive for having you 24-7 on my mind
365 days of the year
or was the pain just a delusion from betrayal..
doesn't sympathy work hand in hand with love i mean?
i could call myself crazy like society would
and id bet they'd control my life if i said they could..
but that's not the problem
here's why relationships are not easily understood
its a war between the devil and angel
the devil will give you options and drug you with temptation
so you betray the real blessing of eternity
while you are a fool to think you aren't mistaken
was i crazy to say its either me or this world?
now please tell me what love is before i complete this statement
they said this wasn't love..
now i don't know who to believe
you or society
because you are just a little to weak
and could barely stop your feet moving towards the ecstasy of such a self fulfilling destiny...
all it takes is just a peak..
just like all it took was a bite for adam and eve
now please be cautious before I allow my heart to bleed
as I conflict with demons internally
to fight this love I'm diseased with hopelessly...
until I say once again only you could make this better..
unless your willing to indeed..



Written by Esra Chebli

They like to call them butterflies

I remember, the day I met you
Your innocence embraced such a pure soul
And I remember defining love like it was used before
But that love never came until I seen what u had in store
And their I am
Ambitious to dream and achieve this true love I believed..really did so many butterflies that could lift me up 
It was that big..I'm tired of it
What about me? What about those dreams..
Because we discussed a feeling..
Something they like to call butterflies.
But what happened to reality
I was deceived..
I was perceived 
Weak..and redeemed
It was just a dream
I almost preached 
Because I wanted it so bad
I could nearly see
A future
Between u and me 
A blind man could never see
But develops a sense of feel like no other will see
That's like blinded love
My instincts could nearly speak
And I could distinct a human being
Of gods creations
Is this natural...
Apart of human relations? 
Because I meant to initiate a comment and say I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you..
If only you could..
Take care of these boundaries
My insecurities that drowned me 
In lust that pronounced me
As somebody I'm not..

Written By Esra Chebli

Mountains aren't meant be the hardest rocks..or the tallest towers
through out life you encounter this abnormal power of evil desites
despise his cowards..the devil ofcoarse, and I'll scream it louder
I cannot bear my weaknesses so I let those clouds shower
god pales me to patience..I grow stronger like a flower
slow..and beautifuly, but look in closely as these mites devour
what I've grown to build..the rain gets so sour (tears)
while the sun becomes to shallow I hide beneath the shadows
and allow a fair amount of parisitic fungus to abort my hours
into an abductional issue of the pain I gather
it fades to lather a game to master..

Written By Esra Chebli

In a spot, a specific spot at least..in room closed in..internally in a box.. Behind dark blankets that cover the only light coming in..my night time worries begin..Bang! a shot..blocked off reality now I'm dreaming alive taking my soul to another place..possibly the skies? but no..I don't dream all pink and butterflies..do I dream at all or bring the possibilities of life back to life..scared but scares me to be alive..save me..but this box Shields me..I can let those internal bugs flee freely..possibly open the window and let them go free..I'm just being literal here..I'm afraid, to lose..to gain..to change..I want to be normal..but stay the same..so I sub divide myself so I can fit in. I treat everyone different..but I know the outcome for all my relationships..I do good with nobody..but I think there is a reason I cage myself in this box..I'm afraid to feed someone who is in thirst..possibly inject them with hurt..kinda like what happened with me..I went a little crazy then she created this box and said sit here..now I just absorb the atmosphere..couldn't condense myself in social media and compare the beauty and read the corruption within each individual..possibly meet someone with interest who couldn't imagine I'm multiple girls within one miracle..

Written By Esra Chebli

Invisible

what is the meaning behind love? love..or.life?, what do those negative strokes as in charges of light mean..like.seeing a star blinded by the negative energy that grows inside.I mean could it make a difference if you provide that love to that side..the dark side..bond negative and a positive to create that light. Look at me..I don't think and thats what makes me special and different..my heart speaks, so senseless words speak to you of you..why should I be drivin by you when you can't hear me like your not listenin..and heres the thing..you said no doubts..but doubt that lust she sinks you with..but hear me I speak no myth..do I dream to big..or just feel to sick..of being a second option of love..I am sick. beauty is deceiving..so is psychological mind fucking..now believe this..I seen this..time means nothing but now my heart bleeds this...I'm in no particular mind state..that's why I feel invisible..I feel almost like the game flow free bridges..trynna find my way around in a pipe and even when I do each level gets harder..I live this..this is me..no perfection to my reality..but she..so perfect..that's why the world is so distant..but I refuse to break myself into more multiples of two..just so your in my arms..but I want you so bad..so bad I just want myself back..and if I could say it was a mistake..god I'm sorry i betrayed you for that

Written By Esra Chebli

 
 

 

 

      

 

 

 

Done By

Esra Chebli



What is known as love..becomes justice..and whatever this criminal states who took his heart away from me loves this..because I said I'd do whatever it takes..now that your lost I'm hoping my heart won't break..even tho to you my reality is fake..and to me your just a mistake..
-Esra

His solitary soul is so Innocent, trapped in the wild with the diligent
outdone by the enemies like he's engaged with syphilis
words don't mean a thing, out this world, my language is gibberish
I speak with a tongue of love while his mouth is trapped with the bitterness
but I guess you could say sweet and bitter create the twist like lickerish
hard to believe this really could be different
but it's hard to see what I believe with that constant rush of adrenaline

I dream of him in a never land where dreams are like learning an instrument
I condense my feet on tender glass, broken..where our love lys intimate
it's not hard to see this really could be legitimate when I seem to be like the insolent
protecting you from the flames, your heart burns from the influence

Written By Esra Chebli

My Photoshoot Designed and Directed by me.

I used a cell phone for my camera..I was the makeup artist and

hairstylist. My theme is based on Avant Garde. When I uploaded the last two

photos they came out side ways but they are straight up, the photos are edited,

however I never edited anything with the hair just like the NAHAS

establish their marking guide.

This is one of the originals without editing.

sooooo proud of myself!



My Latest Updo

Atom leafs fall, it's time to change seasons.
broken off branches steppin on pieces.
leave it behind, let the snow mix
in like a remix
time's so different
as I change regions
no changes, less agreements
movin up wages, time is like anemic
stressin over another way to find hope
oh yes, I smell the sent in the air
someone out their graspin it with dope
low for legal assumptions
we can care less..no interruptions
with the corruption a soul is triggered into
no abductions stands with my issue
with the extra residue trapped on brick walls
artists stand a voice through unspoken words
atom leafs fall,
time for the rain to call
no strange appearance, we can arrange a call
better yet you fuck with it all
white sniffers, and green missiles
about to snap with the role
that's what I call, a mistake, in fact I stroll
before I drive a perfect lane
now that's my soul
now that's the future I enroll
but toss it like a ball,
aim for the net..strive for a goal
life is like a basketball game
think of all the people a court can hold
u can impress a crowd while you'll be stressin out
trynna make a living..flex it out
the rest just put you down as u walk about
now..atom leafs fall, it's time to change seasons
you can run from the struggle
but can't stop the ambition to keep dreamin
behind every dream..their is a reason
and behind every dream there is a doubt to achieve it..

Written by Esra Chebli

Down graded
time faded
the crowd hated

what's up with that?
I mean..
He's so..ugh..
and she's just trash

gimmie a moment
the Theory of Connection
how one becomes two
like a second dimension

but that's so senseless
he's so..ugh..
and she's just hell reachin into heaven

all the forensics
the mobility of two
the structural tension
punctual lessons..
he's just perfect
But she grasps through depression

I wondered, always did
is it insecurities
must be something big
something slick
because he's so..ugh
and she's just sick

Written By Esra Chebli

An infestation of diseases, repeated labour and pain
the danger retains amongst my blood, flesh and brain
as I relate to these enemies trapped with me in a cage
no doubts appeal my thoughts won't sustain
with hate, traps my soul, my soul won't embrace
purity fleshed like water down a fossit ready to drain
multiple wounds, kicked and broken with a fractured trace
no my path can't walk straight and master this race
I am pleased, indeed to state
your a cold bitch
like an iceberg ready to break
walking so steadily, until you rap my feet with lace
why the attacks, when they weaken my bones sucking the grain
my nutrition imbalance, starving myself, holding my rib cage
that's how I feel, with you I'm in a sick place
and this shit weighs, me down so heavily as I stitch tape
onto my broken heart, where my wound rains
and my soul faints
into dreams, but the dreams I have are so fake
but when shit gets real, it's like it's to late
wipe that smile of your face, it deserves a new shape
with a few apes in disguise of the human race
that's all it takes
just you to make me feel this way..

Written By Esra Chebli

Is it normal to feel a sense of neglect, stuck waiting hoping you wont get..
hurt, but it's tough to prevent the stress that triggers your ego just makes u upset
nothin less, stuffed trynna retain your breath..just blows me away am I really upset
more of hurt..smashed in a train wreck..every part of me shattered in pieces
my muscles can't flex..I'm so weak, I can't sustain my flesh,
releasing pain trynna obtain with a sense of express..expression
no other way to reframe my respect..but the shame makes me wanna rip out of my chest
why step, knowin your gonna fall and later regret, you gave her a friend
and would trade her for ten, while shes trynna pretend but her studies get the greater effect
you replace her like vents, engrave her with dents, what a way to elect
someone to run you over, and fake the way you dress..
putting on that extra face, surely become obsessed, your officially crazy
it hits deep in your mental intellect..

Esra Chebli

Theatrical Makeup

Made by Me!

Monday is my first practical exam for a color application and style which we'll get 1.5 hours to do, along with a theory test on the chemistry of hair color. Today I practiced for my timing, so basically sectioning the hair into quadrants for a hair color service and applying the color on the hair is supposed to take me a maximum of 20min, the hair is a permanent color which will process for 45min and I'll have 15min to style!

I did make it today within the timing, so I'm fairly excited to do this on Monday. It's funny how when your so passionate about something and your doing something you enjoy, nothing not even the 50 pages of homework, and the long hours of 9-5, sitting in a desk learning something you have interest in is the best thing ever. What you see above is the reason why I love doing hair..You see your accomplishments, and watch your talents grow. If that mannequin was a real client and I were to do their hair, I wouldn't just feel good about what I have achieved, but also making my client feel good about themselves..

Nothings better then feeling 

Beautiful.

-Esra..♥ 

Made By Me!

Past a dream, he fell in another place..almost hit the top
but god closed the gates, he questions why
it was just a few mistakes, but how much will it take
to learn a lesson and never break,

trynna run from the hardships
movin silently
to cole, if they never knew ur dreams they couldn't break them down
Ironically,
jumpin to the top, never took fallin quietly
they saw him drop so hard
his bones crushed violently

with all the care and support to help him heal
he's traumatized by the experience god made him feel
to him nobody understood,
so god sent an angel to help him to his feet
how hard was it to believe,
the devil was an angel
the angel that gave him jealousy

comparing a rich man to a poor man left in the dirt
made shit much worse and changed his view upon the universe
hate is the word, his eyes saw nothing beautiful
back to god askin why, why is my life unusual

trynna compromise the difference
between you as a child and other children
for you life seems more timid
to them it seems to be a gimmick
tasting success, while you try so hard to live it
what's the advantage, he never seems to finish

complaining, wondering, changing
there's less to life lately, but maybe
if he gets it together
shit wouldn't be this crazy
god will gift him with a house, a wife..a baby


Written By Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8a0_UGsLAY&feature=related
15sec
So little, so discomforting
I'm struggling
my words repeat
just like I'm stuttering

hiding..no I'm covering
theres a truth
a story behind my numbering

my growth exceeds, yes I'm suffering
governing my words I can't read
writing like I'm coloring
I can't tell
senseless tumbling
uttering, yes I'm stumbling
rumbling while my mind is juggling
confusion elites my heart is wondering

so little..so discomforting
I'm trying to see the best
sooth the stress
and fall in depth

holding back ur flawless attack
ready to let go
no! my paws are strapped

I need you..my desires to want you
conquered..I'm about to flaunt you
lost to..just a cherry on top

trynna feel with you
but I'm just to young
afraid to grow mature
while I grow into your love

What if I wake up one day
trust issues
I'm no game to play
just to good to be true
I seem to struck

obsession..no, attachment..no
emptiness
that's it..u fulfill that
use it..then stash it

what happened
shooting star
a falling shooting star
yes! it was a beautiful start

down a hill we go
struggling
tumbling
juggling
stumbling
rumbling
its just a road

theres the clouds
but we can't go

suffer for both
we will grow to be old
and remember
we stuck with each other through the cold
most of all
I love you

once your gone,
I'm gone with you
attachment..yes maybe
I'm back to nothing once ur gone
ur one puzzle piece that was a perfect fit for my heart
not to big..nor to little
I know where to find your march

January, February, March..
my growth exceeds, yes I'm falling apart
there was the worst part
April, May..
the past? I'm thinking with advance
am I awake

you leave me with a bedtime story everyday
it's to long tho..I can never sleep
my mind to busy working night and day
mothering my heart and keeping my faith

hard to keep that faith
with life..what I mean is
it looks so wrong..but seems so right
uptight about the shit that makes us fight
why do I understand you so well
I must be psyched

like, why am I so happy
and get snappy like,
when shits not right
actually..
when the juggling kicks in
tumbling, stumbling, rumbling

listen..I will be stronger
because your weak
and you break faster then my bones can crack
you have my team

am I on crack? I'm independent
you have me..the world fell against me
but I have you..
but fall against me with it..then
Fuck you

this is magic,
dramatic changes
this shit happens
but imagine
ur an experience here to teach me
love needs practice
shit that would be just tragic

to me your more
and this is somethin deeper then the earths core
truth is, sometimes I snap
my adrenaline rushes like an earthquake
to late you didn't hit that
and your the reason why.
sorry to have such a lack
of patience, I'm not famous for that
(just sayin)

here blamin myself
your not the only cause
I got issues
I wish it would stop
maybe I am a..psycho relationship freak
but your love is my institute
your helping me heal

it feels so wrong without you
as wrong as it might be in the worlds eyes
being with you
this story sets a meaning to my life

fuck you for ever hurting me
I love u, but trust this shit isn't new to me
if you left, you know exactly what that'll do to me
I just miss the way it used to be

this story I keep..will stay hidden

Written By Esra Chebli

Precious moments are meant to remember but u are meant to forget
the truth hurts..words kill to speak beneath my shallow breath
I swallow this regardless, swallowed amongst the rest
you hurt, but challenged to sit in my heart and flesh
underneath my beating chest, there u are flushed in an organs nest
u insist to go back but I refuse to go back those steps
your not worth falling far behind and I learnt that after tasting stress
your fantasy's unbearable..I was never happy, no not unless you left..

-Esra Chebli

I got dreams bigger than me, but sometimes I just wonder how I'm gonna carry it all
sometimes I stop and think, is it realistic to have it all, when it's simply a car, house, and lots of clothes
but then an idea crosses my mind..maybe a fact? if everyone lives up to themselves how can we make the world a better place..
how can we stop using up goods and services for unnecessary purposes, just to have a piece of paper that worths these purchases..? now here's my intake..to help the poor instead of the poor helping the rich...? Ironic isn't it, the rich get richer, and wealth equals power, and just because of that nobody is willing to give up the power to help the poor, because everyone wants to take control some way some how, yet the same people are against communism, it's like there subconscious mind is only aware that they are contradicting themselves in society..now here's the deal..it's all the same shit but just a different pile, and entertainment is a huge part of this..they make songs about changing the world, but the reason why is because its gonna be a hit, and you know they're making millions out of it..but it's all talk, are they really making a change..on to the next song, just a moment of grace..I feel like my dreams are bigger then me sometimes, because my dreams are based upon helping the world, but everyone only lives up to themselves which is the problem..I was told that I was supposed to be selfish at times because I always said, if it took living my life up to helping one person I will, because I benefit from it to..soon people will look up to me as a leader and follow me instead of those misleaders wondering..my passion in hairstyling..or hobby of words..how about I share these talents elsewhere, where it's needed..because these words will never be heard in this society, there's to many people with the same talents using them for all the wrong reasons, but I'm somebody who doesn't want to just make a difference in my life..but a difference in others, I would live in poverty with those people living in poverty that never even had the time or energy to find talents, with my passion I'll be able to push people up with me..but here's the thing..it shouldn't have to be this way, if every millionaire gave up 30,000 dollars each they'll be able to help those countries in need..money is the problem..and money is a piece of paper..not a monster..but the paper that will corrupt the world, and the main cause for bombs hitting homes and the murder to millions of people..Just a piece of mind

Esra Chebli

Defining ourselves through Materialistic Temptations


 Over centuries this world has come to a great massive eruption. Growing up, and observing the younger generation as it exceeds, more and more bad influences are catching the attention of younger children. Role models in this society are deceiving viewers as to what true beauty is and contrasting between what is wrong and what is right becomes much more challenging. Society used to be diverse with different cultures and practices of beliefs and that’s what made a place so unique and special for its own reasons. Watching the younger generation pass along life, I notice more corruption emotionally and mentally, and I truly believe our role models play a big role as to defining what life is about.
 As I sink into this topic more and more, cosmetic surgery is one of the vastest things that influences the youth negatively. The media sabotages innocent people into thinking they are not good enough; therefore this generates lack of self-esteem and confidence. From models who weigh less than a hundred pounds being six feet tall, to the famous Barbie with a tiny waist and enormous breasts. What happens to be in style is the most abusive manipulating system that targets our younger viewers and troubles them into a problematic future. Adolescences end up paying the cost for the rest of their lives just being in their own bodies with this self-corruption the society has triggered them into. Anorexia is a common disorder many of our youths agonize with today; many parents are forced to watch their child’s life fail before they could ever watch them succeed. Psychologically this reconciles an individual into materialism and temptation.
 The world is a diverse place; each individual grows from a root and blossoms into whatever they desire to be, something appealing or discreditable. As the integers of growth exceed, so does our knowledge, which is theoretical that it will be no longer acknowledged as generations proceed. Materialistic temptation causes an individual to lose focus and stray amongst a path blinded. All of these things branch into a negative outcome to our decision making. Parents can no longer take control, because their children do not understand the accuracy of a parent’s hypothesis being in an older generation; therefore a parent struggles to keep their child safe in the environment they live in while trying to keep them home. Materialistic temptation can encourage you to do the unexpected, blind your reality and impulses you to idealism with unnecessary desires.

Written By Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do9htsrJTHQ
(11sec)
I remember facts through out my life..but the logic changed
In fact I remember all of that like it was yesterday
and whatever occurred my two worlds separate
A sad person cries hoping happiness can relate
but happiness doesn't exist it's all in your faith
but you eventually lose that faith..and struggle to find your place
in such a small world there's so much to take
compressed within gastric tanks a breath takes a race
and before you lose it, you prepare to hate
start to seek love to feel comfort..balance, and range
but feelings are never mutual because sadness starts to phrase
and you face certain dilemmas shit gets so hard to phase
opportunities are hidden..what do you crave?
a forgetful memory, drugs..and just a few days
theres nothing to say..it's to deep so when they ask is everything okay?
you reply..just fine..and once again elevate
distant from that person because they see your mind state
but you cant help but hide what's in this picture frame
you saunter through out nights and sleep late
take me away
take me away
you need a friend..wouldn't even consider an enemy to feel this pain

the heat at the moment suddenly rises and creates a flame
you lit on fire but leave her with stains
her tears wash that fire
she complains and complains over your ashes look at my face
you throw a bomb shell, what are you complaining about?
are you trynna say it's me you wanna replace
is their another man but your to ashamed
then she throws silence and your attention starts to fade
is this us? what have we made
talking out of your own guilt
and you tell her you made a few mistakes
I fucked her for a night..
got back to her once or twice
the reason why..is..is..
your answer can't be retained
her love is down the drain
she doesn't understand..no one ever will
unless they reflect upon this just like I did
just like I've experienced in this passage
love is passive...and takes your attraction
away from the bullshit in life
but the fact is..feelings do pay the price
but we get to blinded to know that
we're to hurt to show that

(not finished, haven't posted something in a while)

Written By Esra Chebli

She refuses to expose the truth. Her hidden demon. Recall back when we all thought there was a reason, but her reason brought the benefit of the doubt, we lost seasons, points descend as we rush completion but who believed us. The motivation, funny. Before I slapped you a strange face appeared and you deny the truth as if you were dissatisfied with me, because I used to believe. You can't fool me. Neither could your tears. I've cried many times but because I'm sincere. I could say so much..Hypocritical shady bitches who claim to know Moses and can't stand for their religion, act as though you know it all yet your changing your exhibits, who don't talk shit and use a smile to keep it hidden. You read that correct..who don't talk shit. rest with the difference, she camouflages with people, deceives and sabotages people with a gimmick. Laugh it off bitch, but I know your games more than you know limits.

Esra Chebli

Trying..but theirs nothing I could do to
                                                 save you,
                                  I'd give you the extra lift,
                                                only if I had the strength to
                                                     but I'm struggling to do so..
now I'm falling with you because I can't let you go..
I'm falling for you, flying down to catch you before you break..
        because I know you can't do this alone
I'd do whatever it takes,
now that your given up and you feel like it's the end to all mistakes
                                                            I GOT YOU
                                     I'd let you fall on me before you weaken to the ground and
                                                           evaporate..
                                                                           I'd allow you to crush me to save you
                             and procrastinate to keep me in a worser place
and for us to never separate
 no matter the atmosphere I'll be your template. . .
                                                          Written By Esra Chebli

 Made By Esra Chebli

Made By Esra Chebli

I wish I could call you

wanting to show everyone I'm crazy
the difficulties that phase me
we both know
it takes the sun for the world to be shady
lets call her..
sunny

sunny is a young beautiful girl
who was once
maybe is..still in my world
but I don't acknowledge her

you see..sunny, and people like her
used to be my friends
used to be the people I turn to..
when I felt like turning to an end
but it all turned out to be
people just care less
so who were these friends..

see, friends don't do much for me
I lasted a while without them
but I couldn't take being lonely
so I gave it a chance..
and sucked up for a bit

but there was something strangely different about sunny..
sunny..was always sunny
she'd brighten up your day
tell you everything was okay..
she created shadows,
she made shade exist..
and what I mean is
she gave to much sun
you'd want to hide from her in the shade
and when the night came
she was never their..
but sunny was always in a better place

sunny lived in a home..you could call her sky
it rained sometimes..
but she was right behind shining in another place
sunny blinded the people bellow her
but is she happy?

you see, I tried to help sunny understand
that..we all go through different problems
but..we all feel the same emotionally regardless

but sunny kept shining
never cared for crying
she's already burnt by her own flames
but it kinda surprised me

sunny..was my best friend
sunny was the girl everybody met
sunny is a charm,
the charm I swallowed that killed me
she turned out to be
my greatest enemy.

-Esra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kspj91Ydy10&feature=relmfu
You don't want to show people ur corruption
so you hide those broken pieces,
ur pretty intelligent at hiding the person you are..
talented at holding the boldest secrets
you show them your indestructible
yet your falling apart
using another disguise to hide
the person that graves within your heart
your mirrored reflection is blurred
smudged with your tears
you watch the rain at your window
and think of those unreplacable years
you hold a memory or two
that formed a virus and created the disease
you die from pain
hold the shame
and expect that nobody could believe
your anxiety can't be controlled
it's so hard to breathe
you cry in hope to change
because you surely hate to dream
you think nobody understands
but I do
and these emotions are my greatest fear
I'm afraid you'll catch my identity
and swallow me to bleed
you'll be choking if you only knew
but it's not my intentions
I swear
I swear I'm telling the truth
I just want to be free
and isolate time and grieve
I wanna feel happiness
and settle comfortably into my sheets
but you don't get why I like to be lonely
you don't get that
I hate to feel lonely
you don't see I like to be the only
but I need existence
to be happy slowly
trust me
what I'm doing will benefit everyone
not just me
just follow me
trust my beauty
and hold on me..
I'm nice
I'm pure
I'm a good friend
but the perfect enemy.
I'm being honest
and modest to my own legacy
I hate to break the ice
but I do it desperately
because mentally
it stresses me
intellectually..
it compresses me
beneath rocks
so I'm struggling.

Written By Esra Chebli

So today was my competition..the day I dedicated all my time and effort to achieve a bridal look.

I never placed in the competition, but I'm still proud of myself and the work I've created..but

it some what bothers me. Here's how it went; so before we begin there's an orientation about the rules,

One, it has to be wearable. Two, it has to be clean. Three, no pins or elastics may show.

Four, it must apply to the theme (Bridal). Five, you need to work safe and sanitize your tools. I basically followed all those rules, but what got to me was..A FEW WINNERS NEVER!

yep..it's kind of disappointing because I'd spend like 8 hours a day just to come up with a look, it's my first time competing so I don't know what it's like, and I was competing against older people..at a higher level then I am just because of coarse completion. (To advance in a hair coarse it takes about a year where I'm taking it)..but it's different for everyone. Once I attend post secondary hair school this summer I'm really looking forward to competing again, I shouldn't even be setting high standards upon myself since it's my first time. There was first, second, third, and fourth place who move on to the provincial competition happening may 15, there are 300 competitors in that one, and it's happening at the Edmonton expo center. The thing with competition is that you go through a huge load of stress, and right before the competition your on a emotional rollercoster ride. After dedicating your heart and soul and you don't place, you feel like all your hard work went to waste..and you never know who your up against. Some people pay coaches who have competed in many competitions to get trained, and others like me just have their teacher. Having my teachers was honestly the best, they've helped me through out the whole thing and stayed with me to guide me through my long hours of practice which I really appreciate, they got the products for me, and also helped me develop skill and knowledge for hairstyling. The truth is, in this industry it relies mainly on connections and favors, and you aren't promoted or known unless you are "labeled" a winner which is all good. I'm still able to promote my work myself, and salons alone always look for competitors and dedicated artistic people. I feel like a winner, the people around me are so proud! and hopefully you bloggers and followers are to. This post is getting pretty long, but there's so much to learn and know from competition alone.

Esra ♥

My shield of dignity is dented in, my pride is of no use, keep your head high was just a verbal recruit, the best lay with internal abuse, myself was just the girl who fumed senseless truths, the causes to my effects like affection and when it was used, now dead, with less love to give and more to inspect, it was stress above and way over my head, nothing to keep as I hold onto the edge, nightmares of losing, hard to let go when you'd sit here accusing, yourself blaming the bruising for the pain refusing his frame for your beauty, restrain, and detain his losing of your worth, because yes..gold is buried in the dirt, and when you sit in the arms of a thief, you feel stolen and lost in the streets, when your bitten by sharp stained teeth, trust you'd be sold with baggage and dreams, you'll be the perfect fit, rapped around the necks and fingers of pricks, yes woman need to go through the drills, it's nice falling but not falling with guilt knowing your gonna break after the hardship it took to build, is a sucker for you but flatter to him, hide yourself among all the dirt but don't play with it, a man is a digger and they always look for the easy way in, the easy targets that'll sit at the surface of their skin, they'll trap you inside, it's like paying a life time bill. Don't put yourself in a situation, where it gets difficult for anyone to understand your interpretation, this isn't stereotypical opinions, each strand of words are simply insidious..because the amount of pain a man could set upon a woman is ridiculous and some are to cold to feel and just feed off the Innocent.

Esra Chebli

I settled for something lesser then I am, something that sat under my feet as I stared at the highest, let the sky sit over me because I belonged in no place, I was a follower, and sat alone at my base.I wondered why I was so different, grew up to a chase, ran out of breath sooner before I could eat off a plate, yes..the words split to no sense..I never faked a beating because life gave me the dents, I developed the habit of staring at my face, telling me I wasn't beautiful or good enough to date..because I observed something so out of range, yet here I am in the future emotionally in pain, I followed a path I never recognized, the suppression and sadness soon grew before my eyes, now choices came from rolling a dice, calling to my life take me out of this sight. You'd think in this mind state it's alright, but your blind from the wrong and your used to the fight. The difficult experiences of growing up because that's not easy..having to deal with school, financially getting greedy, now that I'm older I see why my parents said save your money, focus on school, take your time..follow the rules, but I couldn't regret, even if the strongest people are the ones who passed their grades while dealing with everything else, however there was always the richer ones who got everything simply, but those are the weakest so no reason to envy. I only wish I was patient..but patience is a skill that takes a lot of maintenance..I wish I picked my friends wisely..but after all, I developed all these rhyme schemes..I wish I was richer but that didn't change my level of hygiene, I learned a method of staying clean outside and in so it stopped me from lying..One thing I wish, I wish I could go back to all those people who hurt me and say; I was down..but down to earth, but found to be an irregular girl, though I'm just mature and sit in between the clouds and the dirt..you felt high..so I considered you to be the sky that showered over people and burnt people to their nerves that made them sweat, made the dirt dry, made the dirt wet..but it taught us we get dirty from the "best" and that is to you of coarse. Now I know to never treat me worse then others, we're equally alike, I just learnt that the hard way..through countless..sleepless nights.

-Esra Chebli

As a kid..I never understood the matters of life, never thought breathing took oxygen, never thought growing up took a fight. I thought the city I lived in was the world, I never cared or been aware being that littler girl until it hit me..I appreciate because I live in wealth other then living in poverty, but wealth vs poverty are both hell just think of it properly..I'm caught in the heart of this deceiving world with temptations to hard to bare, we care for lust and things like hair, but the poor show true love with the things they share..there's more to the world then just being their, war and freedom, feeling scared, there's more to living then money and air, it's all despair with the things we dare.

Written By Esra Chebli

This style was just made to be put on display

I made some finishing touches by adding purl fanned out wires

that blended through the hair that came out,

and I also have a vail that came out the same vocal point

that set over the face to the side.

(not finished)

This style is supposed to be for the bridal competition at Skills Canada

taking place April 14, 2012!

I have the finished style, with a few changes, and

ornaments completed and placed in the hair,

soft gold and a bit of color will be added to the hair,

and more cleanliness.

I'm going to get the makeup done and create an outfit

 I'll post my finished style soon!

Made By Esra Chebli ♥