Reality check

despise a smile- My one tooth crooked and dramatic over bite
i really prevent myself from smiling...

and willingly to..even knowing the positive psychological effects smiling can do for me and others....

I dare a dentist to tell me I need braces....i swore to never speak..and no I'm not joking..

despise cold winter days- I look 13 in jeans....id like to believe I have the figure of and hour glass but i only weigh about 113, dresses seem to be the only thing that embraces a wanna be sex appeal..

I march stores desperately...to learn fashion essentially to look near sexy..

impressively..still doesn't fix within..

epicly I'm a hairdresser by will..

just an excuse to stare at the mirror to notice my skin and my thin upper lip

with a bottom that barely exists...

I obsess over the looks of others and no my clients don't know this..

I was bashed for taking extra time by employers...

while clients say I'm simply a perfectionist 

i have this rush of adrenaline and i know this might seem irrelevant 

i see a beautiful woman and wonder...

how about the rest of it?

no I'm not a lesbian..

but I'm curious as to why us woman ...seem to be competitive?

I'm 20 years old...already thought of face lifts..

lip injections...fake tits..even going as far as breaking my ribs..

why? so i can simply be curvaceous 

I tell myself my legs are like a chickens

and my face is like a pigeon...

does my innocent self deserve this...

ironically i hate attention

but yet want to be noticed

they say having a beautiful heart is your secret weapon

but sometimes that could hold you back from being a confident person

society says you are worthless

while god says it isn't worth it!

how far will go to be what they call gorgeous

when you find a real man who compliments your beauty within

more then the surface

to come to realization we are all far from perfect

to understand the cancer behind all this bullshit

to fear the consequence behind corsets that displace organs

to realize that natural beauty is almost foreign

to understand your role models on magazines are hopeless

to appreciate gods gift and be blessed you aren't homeless

so before spending that extra money on waste 

allow your success to have a purpose

before you lose purpose and become another puppet in this...

circus

and when you ask yourself why you aren't happy within..know that you earned it

you are officially a beauty addict 

now find yourself a companion that will re-hers it 

Written by Esra Chebli

What is love...

They said you cannot force love,
but it only made sense to me that it'll be easy to dig through an opened wound
now, not to be cruel...
but i was able to council my way in and find comfort in the fire of this fume
i sat in your heart and i managed to stay on mute as you desensitized your pain into me
now here's the proof....there is now not only one..but two of you
you see sometimes something as pure as water isn't enough to burn the fire
and that is truth...
now i helplessly wonder ..wheres the cure
while you sabotage the extra weight in your heart...
i mean i figured there have been just enough room...
and you'll realize you are only being abused when you are put to blame for the love you didn't use
but have given to them they initially didn't refuse ...now don't worry you lost comfort
but now here's the real issue.....your dangerously secure
that they don't even have to miss you or owe up to the pain you endure
its suddenly your fault , your the cause for allowing your heart to approve...
bullshit!
you were a crying little boy abandoned by god
lost by cause blaming others for why  you were alone
and just because i was alone for the stupid little reasons
i fell into your game and you crumbled me to pieces
just like the cannabis you blazed tucked into the heart of white sheets
I made you high and yes....to you i was something just as temporary
half the time you answered me blanklessly
what is love...?
they said you are just attached and comfortable..
i didn't understand..
because to me that sounded like love..
and if that wasn't love...then what is?
being detached and uncomfortable.
when i found no greater gift...
after i spent years of my time..
does society now call me obsessive for having you 24-7 on my mind
365 days of the year
or was the pain just a delusion from betrayal..
doesn't sympathy work hand in hand with love i mean?
i could call myself crazy like society would
and id bet they'd control my life if i said they could..
but that's not the problem
here's why relationships are not easily understood
its a war between the devil and angel
the devil will give you options and drug you with temptation
so you betray the real blessing of eternity
while you are a fool to think you aren't mistaken
was i crazy to say its either me or this world?
now please tell me what love is before i complete this statement
they said this wasn't love..
now i don't know who to believe
you or society
because you are just a little to weak
and could barely stop your feet moving towards the ecstasy of such a self fulfilling destiny...
all it takes is just a peak..
just like all it took was a bite for adam and eve
now please be cautious before I allow my heart to bleed
as I conflict with demons internally
to fight this love I'm diseased with hopelessly...
until I say once again only you could make this better..
unless your willing to indeed..



Written by Esra Chebli

They like to call them butterflies

I remember, the day I met you
Your innocence embraced such a pure soul
And I remember defining love like it was used before
But that love never came until I seen what u had in store
And their I am
Ambitious to dream and achieve this true love I believed..really did so many butterflies that could lift me up 
It was that big..I'm tired of it
What about me? What about those dreams..
Because we discussed a feeling..
Something they like to call butterflies.
But what happened to reality
I was deceived..
I was perceived 
Weak..and redeemed
It was just a dream
I almost preached 
Because I wanted it so bad
I could nearly see
A future
Between u and me 
A blind man could never see
But develops a sense of feel like no other will see
That's like blinded love
My instincts could nearly speak
And I could distinct a human being
Of gods creations
Is this natural...
Apart of human relations? 
Because I meant to initiate a comment and say I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you..
If only you could..
Take care of these boundaries
My insecurities that drowned me 
In lust that pronounced me
As somebody I'm not..

Written By Esra Chebli

Mountains aren't meant be the hardest rocks..or the tallest towers
through out life you encounter this abnormal power of evil desites
despise his cowards..the devil ofcoarse, and I'll scream it louder
I cannot bear my weaknesses so I let those clouds shower
god pales me to patience..I grow stronger like a flower
slow..and beautifuly, but look in closely as these mites devour
what I've grown to build..the rain gets so sour (tears)
while the sun becomes to shallow I hide beneath the shadows
and allow a fair amount of parisitic fungus to abort my hours
into an abductional issue of the pain I gather
it fades to lather a game to master..

Written By Esra Chebli

In a spot, a specific spot at least..in room closed in..internally in a box.. Behind dark blankets that cover the only light coming in..my night time worries begin..Bang! a shot..blocked off reality now I'm dreaming alive taking my soul to another place..possibly the skies? but no..I don't dream all pink and butterflies..do I dream at all or bring the possibilities of life back to life..scared but scares me to be alive..save me..but this box Shields me..I can let those internal bugs flee freely..possibly open the window and let them go free..I'm just being literal here..I'm afraid, to lose..to gain..to change..I want to be normal..but stay the same..so I sub divide myself so I can fit in. I treat everyone different..but I know the outcome for all my relationships..I do good with nobody..but I think there is a reason I cage myself in this box..I'm afraid to feed someone who is in thirst..possibly inject them with hurt..kinda like what happened with me..I went a little crazy then she created this box and said sit here..now I just absorb the atmosphere..couldn't condense myself in social media and compare the beauty and read the corruption within each individual..possibly meet someone with interest who couldn't imagine I'm multiple girls within one miracle..

Written By Esra Chebli

Invisible

what is the meaning behind love? love..or.life?, what do those negative strokes as in charges of light mean..like.seeing a star blinded by the negative energy that grows inside.I mean could it make a difference if you provide that love to that side..the dark side..bond negative and a positive to create that light. Look at me..I don't think and thats what makes me special and different..my heart speaks, so senseless words speak to you of you..why should I be drivin by you when you can't hear me like your not listenin..and heres the thing..you said no doubts..but doubt that lust she sinks you with..but hear me I speak no myth..do I dream to big..or just feel to sick..of being a second option of love..I am sick. beauty is deceiving..so is psychological mind fucking..now believe this..I seen this..time means nothing but now my heart bleeds this...I'm in no particular mind state..that's why I feel invisible..I feel almost like the game flow free bridges..trynna find my way around in a pipe and even when I do each level gets harder..I live this..this is me..no perfection to my reality..but she..so perfect..that's why the world is so distant..but I refuse to break myself into more multiples of two..just so your in my arms..but I want you so bad..so bad I just want myself back..and if I could say it was a mistake..god I'm sorry i betrayed you for that

Written By Esra Chebli

 
 

 

 

      

 

 

 

Done By

Esra Chebli



What is known as love..becomes justice..and whatever this criminal states who took his heart away from me loves this..because I said I'd do whatever it takes..now that your lost I'm hoping my heart won't break..even tho to you my reality is fake..and to me your just a mistake..
-Esra

His solitary soul is so Innocent, trapped in the wild with the diligent
outdone by the enemies like he's engaged with syphilis
words don't mean a thing, out this world, my language is gibberish
I speak with a tongue of love while his mouth is trapped with the bitterness
but I guess you could say sweet and bitter create the twist like lickerish
hard to believe this really could be different
but it's hard to see what I believe with that constant rush of adrenaline

I dream of him in a never land where dreams are like learning an instrument
I condense my feet on tender glass, broken..where our love lys intimate
it's not hard to see this really could be legitimate when I seem to be like the insolent
protecting you from the flames, your heart burns from the influence

Written By Esra Chebli

My Photoshoot Designed and Directed by me.

I used a cell phone for my camera..I was the makeup artist and

hairstylist. My theme is based on Avant Garde. When I uploaded the last two

photos they came out side ways but they are straight up, the photos are edited,

however I never edited anything with the hair just like the NAHAS

establish their marking guide.

This is one of the originals without editing.

sooooo proud of myself!



My Latest Updo

Atom leafs fall, it's time to change seasons.
broken off branches steppin on pieces.
leave it behind, let the snow mix
in like a remix
time's so different
as I change regions
no changes, less agreements
movin up wages, time is like anemic
stressin over another way to find hope
oh yes, I smell the sent in the air
someone out their graspin it with dope
low for legal assumptions
we can care less..no interruptions
with the corruption a soul is triggered into
no abductions stands with my issue
with the extra residue trapped on brick walls
artists stand a voice through unspoken words
atom leafs fall,
time for the rain to call
no strange appearance, we can arrange a call
better yet you fuck with it all
white sniffers, and green missiles
about to snap with the role
that's what I call, a mistake, in fact I stroll
before I drive a perfect lane
now that's my soul
now that's the future I enroll
but toss it like a ball,
aim for the net..strive for a goal
life is like a basketball game
think of all the people a court can hold
u can impress a crowd while you'll be stressin out
trynna make a living..flex it out
the rest just put you down as u walk about
now..atom leafs fall, it's time to change seasons
you can run from the struggle
but can't stop the ambition to keep dreamin
behind every dream..their is a reason
and behind every dream there is a doubt to achieve it..

Written by Esra Chebli

Down graded
time faded
the crowd hated

what's up with that?
I mean..
He's so..ugh..
and she's just trash

gimmie a moment
the Theory of Connection
how one becomes two
like a second dimension

but that's so senseless
he's so..ugh..
and she's just hell reachin into heaven

all the forensics
the mobility of two
the structural tension
punctual lessons..
he's just perfect
But she grasps through depression

I wondered, always did
is it insecurities
must be something big
something slick
because he's so..ugh
and she's just sick

Written By Esra Chebli

An infestation of diseases, repeated labour and pain
the danger retains amongst my blood, flesh and brain
as I relate to these enemies trapped with me in a cage
no doubts appeal my thoughts won't sustain
with hate, traps my soul, my soul won't embrace
purity fleshed like water down a fossit ready to drain
multiple wounds, kicked and broken with a fractured trace
no my path can't walk straight and master this race
I am pleased, indeed to state
your a cold bitch
like an iceberg ready to break
walking so steadily, until you rap my feet with lace
why the attacks, when they weaken my bones sucking the grain
my nutrition imbalance, starving myself, holding my rib cage
that's how I feel, with you I'm in a sick place
and this shit weighs, me down so heavily as I stitch tape
onto my broken heart, where my wound rains
and my soul faints
into dreams, but the dreams I have are so fake
but when shit gets real, it's like it's to late
wipe that smile of your face, it deserves a new shape
with a few apes in disguise of the human race
that's all it takes
just you to make me feel this way..

Written By Esra Chebli

Is it normal to feel a sense of neglect, stuck waiting hoping you wont get..
hurt, but it's tough to prevent the stress that triggers your ego just makes u upset
nothin less, stuffed trynna retain your breath..just blows me away am I really upset
more of hurt..smashed in a train wreck..every part of me shattered in pieces
my muscles can't flex..I'm so weak, I can't sustain my flesh,
releasing pain trynna obtain with a sense of express..expression
no other way to reframe my respect..but the shame makes me wanna rip out of my chest
why step, knowin your gonna fall and later regret, you gave her a friend
and would trade her for ten, while shes trynna pretend but her studies get the greater effect
you replace her like vents, engrave her with dents, what a way to elect
someone to run you over, and fake the way you dress..
putting on that extra face, surely become obsessed, your officially crazy
it hits deep in your mental intellect..

Esra Chebli

Theatrical Makeup

Made by Me!

Monday is my first practical exam for a color application and style which we'll get 1.5 hours to do, along with a theory test on the chemistry of hair color. Today I practiced for my timing, so basically sectioning the hair into quadrants for a hair color service and applying the color on the hair is supposed to take me a maximum of 20min, the hair is a permanent color which will process for 45min and I'll have 15min to style!

I did make it today within the timing, so I'm fairly excited to do this on Monday. It's funny how when your so passionate about something and your doing something you enjoy, nothing not even the 50 pages of homework, and the long hours of 9-5, sitting in a desk learning something you have interest in is the best thing ever. What you see above is the reason why I love doing hair..You see your accomplishments, and watch your talents grow. If that mannequin was a real client and I were to do their hair, I wouldn't just feel good about what I have achieved, but also making my client feel good about themselves..

Nothings better then feeling 

Beautiful.

-Esra..♥ 

Made By Me!

Past a dream, he fell in another place..almost hit the top
but god closed the gates, he questions why
it was just a few mistakes, but how much will it take
to learn a lesson and never break,

trynna run from the hardships
movin silently
to cole, if they never knew ur dreams they couldn't break them down
Ironically,
jumpin to the top, never took fallin quietly
they saw him drop so hard
his bones crushed violently

with all the care and support to help him heal
he's traumatized by the experience god made him feel
to him nobody understood,
so god sent an angel to help him to his feet
how hard was it to believe,
the devil was an angel
the angel that gave him jealousy

comparing a rich man to a poor man left in the dirt
made shit much worse and changed his view upon the universe
hate is the word, his eyes saw nothing beautiful
back to god askin why, why is my life unusual

trynna compromise the difference
between you as a child and other children
for you life seems more timid
to them it seems to be a gimmick
tasting success, while you try so hard to live it
what's the advantage, he never seems to finish

complaining, wondering, changing
there's less to life lately, but maybe
if he gets it together
shit wouldn't be this crazy
god will gift him with a house, a wife..a baby


Written By Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8a0_UGsLAY&feature=related
15sec
So little, so discomforting
I'm struggling
my words repeat
just like I'm stuttering

hiding..no I'm covering
theres a truth
a story behind my numbering

my growth exceeds, yes I'm suffering
governing my words I can't read
writing like I'm coloring
I can't tell
senseless tumbling
uttering, yes I'm stumbling
rumbling while my mind is juggling
confusion elites my heart is wondering

so little..so discomforting
I'm trying to see the best
sooth the stress
and fall in depth

holding back ur flawless attack
ready to let go
no! my paws are strapped

I need you..my desires to want you
conquered..I'm about to flaunt you
lost to..just a cherry on top

trynna feel with you
but I'm just to young
afraid to grow mature
while I grow into your love

What if I wake up one day
trust issues
I'm no game to play
just to good to be true
I seem to struck

obsession..no, attachment..no
emptiness
that's it..u fulfill that
use it..then stash it

what happened
shooting star
a falling shooting star
yes! it was a beautiful start

down a hill we go
struggling
tumbling
juggling
stumbling
rumbling
its just a road

theres the clouds
but we can't go

suffer for both
we will grow to be old
and remember
we stuck with each other through the cold
most of all
I love you

once your gone,
I'm gone with you
attachment..yes maybe
I'm back to nothing once ur gone
ur one puzzle piece that was a perfect fit for my heart
not to big..nor to little
I know where to find your march

January, February, March..
my growth exceeds, yes I'm falling apart
there was the worst part
April, May..
the past? I'm thinking with advance
am I awake

you leave me with a bedtime story everyday
it's to long tho..I can never sleep
my mind to busy working night and day
mothering my heart and keeping my faith

hard to keep that faith
with life..what I mean is
it looks so wrong..but seems so right
uptight about the shit that makes us fight
why do I understand you so well
I must be psyched

like, why am I so happy
and get snappy like,
when shits not right
actually..
when the juggling kicks in
tumbling, stumbling, rumbling

listen..I will be stronger
because your weak
and you break faster then my bones can crack
you have my team

am I on crack? I'm independent
you have me..the world fell against me
but I have you..
but fall against me with it..then
Fuck you

this is magic,
dramatic changes
this shit happens
but imagine
ur an experience here to teach me
love needs practice
shit that would be just tragic

to me your more
and this is somethin deeper then the earths core
truth is, sometimes I snap
my adrenaline rushes like an earthquake
to late you didn't hit that
and your the reason why.
sorry to have such a lack
of patience, I'm not famous for that
(just sayin)

here blamin myself
your not the only cause
I got issues
I wish it would stop
maybe I am a..psycho relationship freak
but your love is my institute
your helping me heal

it feels so wrong without you
as wrong as it might be in the worlds eyes
being with you
this story sets a meaning to my life

fuck you for ever hurting me
I love u, but trust this shit isn't new to me
if you left, you know exactly what that'll do to me
I just miss the way it used to be

this story I keep..will stay hidden

Written By Esra Chebli