My 2009,
I struggled..struggled to a point that I tumbled..I tried new things, met new people..and I learned for what it brings. Hangin with the wrong crowd, tryin to make everyone but me proud..puttin myself down, barrying me into the ground..I call it the worst year..the worst year for me, I learned things the hard way, and I blame it for the person I am today. This year has affected me in many ways. I became depressed and stresssed..but it's what made me start writing, what I experienced I hope to never experience again, just fights..I remember writing one of my first poems and it was about why I was chosen to live this life. when summer came..the drama starts, it's when everything started falling apart, I didn't know what was happening..til I realized me and my loved ones were begining to part..I was inlove..it was my first love or maybe a deep crush, I took many risks that I don't regret taking because I believe it was worth it for my heart to be aching..things got messed up, I kept my love for him on the down low, I wanted no one to know..but it was never kept as a secret it began to show..I got in shit..lost my advantages..lost the meaning of what trust is..seein my best friend as an enemy, never would of thought things will be like this. I felt like everything turned against me..like the world hated me..me and her were still tight, I still called her everytime I cried..but what happened after..some people got involved in her life...I wish I can share whats happening today..tell her whats new..maybe I should call..but no..I don't think she wants to talk nomore..but it's all good, I gotta learn to accept things in life, I lost many things before..but this friendship was one thing losing I cant aford..but I'm asuming it's to late, I hope she finds a better mate. I learned that if I start off on my own..I finish on my own, it's crazy for how much I've grown..all I wanted was for someone to understand, but no one will understand me as much as myself and I gotta learn to accept that to..I know I can do it...I know I can stand on my own..so now I identify me as "the unknown"....
The Diaries of Esra Chebli and life...
