As a kid..I never understood the matters of life, never thought breathing took oxygen, never thought growing up took a fight. I thought the city I lived in was the world, I never cared or been aware being that littler girl until it hit me..I appreciate because I live in wealth other then living in poverty, but wealth vs poverty are both hell just think of it properly..I'm caught in the heart of this deceiving world with temptations to hard to bare, we care for lust and things like hair, but the poor show true love with the things they share..there's more to the world then just being their, war and freedom, feeling scared, there's more to living then money and air, it's all despair with the things we dare.

Written By Esra Chebli

This style was just made to be put on display

I made some finishing touches by adding purl fanned out wires

that blended through the hair that came out,

and I also have a vail that came out the same vocal point

that set over the face to the side.

(not finished)

This style is supposed to be for the bridal competition at Skills Canada

taking place April 14, 2012!

I have the finished style, with a few changes, and

ornaments completed and placed in the hair,

soft gold and a bit of color will be added to the hair,

and more cleanliness.

I'm going to get the makeup done and create an outfit

 I'll post my finished style soon!

Made By Esra Chebli ♥

My lonely thoughts

She's underestimated, but relies on me
relies on you..but can she see
whose their..it's all about who leaves
but she cares..because losing was never achieved
she called it lost in her matter
and she never tossed what didn't matter
just made use of it..to her benefit
but got rid of the method after
nothins workin out..but that's what she thinks
but to the other kids, she got it set when shes ready to sink
shes prepared and tuff, smarter then most
it's just academic luck
or the opportunity she took just because she was stuck
now she doesn't face herself with these secrets
but it's slowly building so she rips the pieces
shes falling apart..and knows the reason
but who knows, she doesn't exist in her appearance
one to love, but hard to trust
she lost herself
and found the dust
she came to think that her lonely thoughts need the space
from the existence of people she seems to hate
but hate is revealed as sadness in her eyes
but these days it's hard for one to realize
so shes felt by the blind
because she can't see
felt by the old
because of experiences that repeat
felt by the poor
because it was hard to achieve
but seen by the rich and happy
as a crazy boutique
these are my lonely thoughts
that stray night to day
and they weigh so heavily
on a mellow face
my lonely thoughts..

Written By Esra Chebli

Words were spoken to keep her close, but our friendship was like a broken bird..lost with no hope, no I don't know where she intends to go, tho missing someone far away is like climbin a rope, and as my palms burn and I'm bein choked, my arms lock I miss her tone..sisters never gave up and to me lies were jokes, but things turned around now time's a road, with our backs against eachother cry knowin I won't, it was like your choice while I was the boat, hard to rock on..I can't stop the post, while she surpassed a video and flawed the snow..In between my lines through everything I wrote, nothin compares to a heart that broke..and it's not just once it's countless strokes, but with the lack of words the attention smoked this friendship with one shot and hit my bones..I thought it could grow but it began to erode and you could easily say our friendship was simply a rose, the meaning was beautiful but death was domed.

Written By Esra Chebli

Banned from the person YOU ARE

for the person you(r) got to be

Expect(ed) to be, not to be, possibly..No gotta be
Everyday another person is willing to Assimilate their Personality
and Baptize their Humanity
Against The Right(s) of Their own Soul

Written By Esra Chebli

I put myself in favour to you..as my king, yes you promise to give me wings from blings and other things like..sharing the same bed, the same touch, the same breath, the same fuck..never cheat me, lie to me, I've heard the same stuff, so why? why do I wait in pain and get played in games that exist in reality while I'm trapped in a dream, so that once I wake I begin to hate the shit that's been done to me, do I appreciate? my patience awaits me while I crave the attention, my insecurity's trap me, hold me, tells me..he could only make you happy..Exactly, I use him to mock the cure to my emptyness while I'm madly in love with his manipulations, kinda tacky? it's fake so I seal my lips down with tape so I don't say another word in each day that passes away leavin a trace like muddy footprints on a ceramic base, kay..so I tell you how I feel so you see..do you see this as true love or an obsession?

Written By Esra Chebli

In my dreams I grow to be young again

have a second chance with all my lovers and friends

because I'd change a lot knowing I could be tougher then this

nothing rougher then this..

then standing alone relying on a kiss

being a child never thought I'd grow to act like a kid

in fact I'm a bit..weak, far from the tracks, and as we speak

I'm bein run down and kicked to my feet

with my face against a sheet on my bedroom floor

ready to believe I can make it on my own

and set myself free.

Written By Esra Chebli

♥ My Bridal Design ♥

Made By Esra Chebli

Is it Heaven or Hell?

laying on stones baking naked
aiming aimless shaking painless
trapped in cages, life is dangerous
I'm faking changes
waking to pages
working for wages
making the payments
forced to take this
because

paper bills can buy my knives
I can kill me
yet this paper can't buy my life
when it builds me
yes words mean nothing
that's why I might
let go and work judging people based on body type
I'm shifting..
but does it matter like it matters on the roads
I'm thinking..

Over thinking? yes perhaps this makes no sense
but it's simple, like tieing a shoe or lacing a belt
you could never be high enough so instead
we use the green or the medicines of crystal meth
to get, the impression of success, crystals and gems
when it's simply a whistle to death

But I'm not prepared to die
because I believe in dreams
yet I can't survive
I'm sick in grieve
I'm not surprised

just confused nothing to do in hell
but take the time to accept and strive to be well
but I cry in my sell because I don't appreciate my wealth
so I hate myself because;

I'm sleeping surrounded by the devil
and my mental level is like wondering rebels
I'm sauntering for pebbles
possibly petals out of dirt and bevels
of hurt it's stressful..

Written by Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0kpl2qICJg

I'll never be as good as you, no, your 10 woman combined except you never show the feelings of that woman inside, woman are pretty cherishing, but the man you cover her with makes you look like a fool, it's embarrassing, the tears she cries makes you sweat and hold your breath that's why you distant from that woman in your life, you can't handle more then one set, so I always nag and call you selfish, you wont let me replace that woman ur obsessed with..your afraid to play the one committed into you by being with another so you use these woman to make you happy and pleasure ur lady inside, yes I understand because
I'm a woman myself,
so I'll simply ignore you while you go crazy for my help, and you won't move on because I found this woman inside you your ashamed of and you know you'll scare everybody off with her disgusting personality, but it's ok I promise to keep it as a secret, so I blackmail your love and rip her into pieces and the funny thing is I don't even need a reason..I never understood why men seem to never give time, especially when they fall into a bromance, well it makes them feel more like a man, and us woman make it seem like they're committing a crime, possibly seeking desperately for love from another lady because we barely give you any..because men act like they don't need us, like they got enough love so they treat us like we need them but we see them..or should I say her, though when I fall for you I get lost inside so I'm trapped with the woman within you and I begin fighting for your love, and it turns into a whole issue where one of us have to give up, but she'll always end up winning once you finally say it's enough..

when a man falls in love it's a very special thing but to woman it's just another day,

and you cannot train a man to love because a man always loved himself 

and put himself before everybody else,

he already has that one woman in his life within him that no girl could beat

because NO girl is different..

Written By Esra Chebli

They diagnosed me with ocd, but that's because I strive for perfection hopelessly, notice me I fuck up so perfectly, I know your here but I fear the moments that slip from me, my arms are left with you, my heart is left in two, check my speed, limits to my destiny, I hear gimmicks that's supposed to be stressin me, if I'm wrong correct me, because you say so much shit indirectly, causin me to fall back and let me, lose it as u take my happiness so selfishly

Written By Esra Chebli

In order to be successful it takes risks, and to take risks it takes Courage

-Esra Chebli

Hard weekends..

I'm hesitating like I got a gun to my head, sleeping at the urge about to fall off the ledge, as I get kicked down I fall off my bed, these nightmares are eatin me, treatin me with torture frequently and stealin my decency, I'm now so cold as I roll through my bed sheets, droundin in the freezing waters of my history, I'm now floating at the surface like a piece of garbage so worthless, wind blow me away to the flames of a furnish back at home, where I hold my bones of my neck, i hate to sleep alone because I know my phone's off to set, now thunder hits, my wonder splits in dimensions of my adventures to admit, what truth hides that I collide with my life, the external vibe is holding my sigh, now I don't realize the dreams I commit, its a suicide of dreams I intend to kill..

Written By Esra Chebli

What if everything had feelings but we just didn't know? imagine objects like a chair actually get hurt when we sit on it
or a keyboard feels good when we press it's buttons..
Imagine people in picture actually come to life and watch us...:/
or spoons feel dirty when we put our mouths on it..
imagine dish washers and dryers felt like slaves..
that's why they gave up on us those good old days
what if the clouds are actually crying when it rains
what if the the whole world was one living organism
and we were just parasites
what if...we were like barbies to a giant
what if we are a story being read to somebody in a different world
or we were someones imagination.
what if this was all a dream ..
How about..
if we were watching our own wrong doings at the moment
and we had a second chance to change?
it's all your intentions

Written By Esra Chebli

Obssesive

I'm holding on, nearly falling..trynna let go but you keep on calling..leave me alone my mind is rolling..into different clips as time is crawling..so drop me, let me fall in pain, fall in love and climb to hate, stop me before I begin to take, all your energy and all your space, because I'll sleep thinkin of you, I'll dream wishin for you, I'll keep listenin to you..but if your voice quits to speak, and your ears stop to hear..my voice is no longer heard..a disconnection begins to occur..this is when my mind loses it's balance, this is when I know I'm losin the challenge, this is when I can no longer take it, these are the moments he tells me to face it..Convince me this is better for us, tell me this is all simply lust..because I'm going crazy for you..I'm sorry I fell in love.

Written By Esra Chebli

Laughter began with a smile

and feelings began with a touch

is it a path to infatuation

or is it a path to simply love?

Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66b0VcCifj8&feature=related
23sec
you gotta look at this in different perspectives..and accept it
checkin this..not the first..second, but the third view of the situation..what the best is, shit gets hectic and you are no longer impressive, because of stress it's effecting your questions, proving doubts problems are no longer sectioned, loaded all at once and you gotta compress it, until you explode and feel the refreshment of relief from the shit you injected, it's not my reflection, smokin air blazin so breathless,puffin the air outta you until gravity holds you high restless..the infection is so addictive it's endless, until you reach out for help an you can't slow down the adrenaline, it's rebellious, hard defeat the steadiness, the solvent seems to be crushed and happiness is the perfect medicine, the subliment seems to be unknown elements, balance both sides of the equation to reach excellence like your emotionally stable to your intellegence of personal development of a perfectionist as if you were definite of the definition of affectionate you wouldn't be hesitant but confident of the impediment, you would if the pain was atleast evident, knowin your tears are split to millions just makin an estimate, hurt is the sedement, the worst comes to the settlement and it keeps going on it's repetitive..

Written By Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AogSikWufo

It's muscular figure created this physical attraction, as it's joints fit perfectly together causin an imperial distraction, as I wake to this beauty of a painless fascist..a recognizable spark sat and never moved, even in the dark it spoke to me as it blinded the moon, if you get lost into it, you'd never want to find your way out, it's rush is so smooth, afraid to be found..I'd never want to let go of this tissue, and whisper of this magical pronoun as I kiss you..my darkness is so visible in your light, built with razors and caved in knives broken through this cold ice, as creases fell in, tainted eyes, you'd find the rainbow in a rainy night, through it's famous delight, what it had to offer, sat in your mouth and left it to water, words were that powerful you'd begin to suffer,a heart beat would literally eat you for supper, you'd just enjoy the feeling of wonders, and simply feeling upper, but it gets rougher and rougher until you fall as it crashes you with thunder and hits you from under..it's veins spoke through it's circulations, it's interpretations left a degree in zero relations, in my equation, through the substitution of love in this situation, in the constitution of us..it was like no other objective, so I subject this in my perspective, so no objections, it's temperature was just about one degree less, I smelled it through it's cold breath as it hit me with it's chest, held me and threw me down with a linger down my neck, to the figure of my breasts where knocks left a beat at the set, where the sun rests over two worlds of flesh and corsets where we orbit through steps like insects, I'd just leave my thought to linger with pain, pay the cost for this misery and pain..

Written By Esra Chebli

I'm finding hard to accept your changing

Because your beginning to Disconnect

or fading..

from the friendship we were both Placing,

so I made the choice to stick to my base and stay where I'm staying

because walking any further with you would just have me waiting,

and just hurt me when I know that's not what your intentions are stating.

I rather stick to myself..I'm sick of having this Switch turn on and off
It's driving me crazy.

Esra Chebli

trynna find someone to love to prevent myself from loving me
avoiding true happiness because I can't believe
this heart beating within me
I just wanna love somebody..anybody but me
I can't accept the apology from the sadness I did to me
opposites attract, that's why my head collided with my feet
and I brought weakness over my head like my vision never seen
so I'm blinded from my own thoughts..it's the smoke coming from beneath
all the fog..and flames ready to burst free
telling me why won't you just love me
I'm craving the attention it falls so deep
to satisfy myself from the inner rush set at maximum speed
so I let it rain to wash those flames..there goes my tears
walking up along there flys my fears it holds my hear
I can't hear what anyone says I'm the only voice that could speak

I wanna love somebody..anybody, as long as it's not me
because if me and I were meant to be it would of came naturally
either way I'm afraid to take that risk because I'm capable of anything
and that means breaking myself again because I was once happy
but I started to dream..I started packing
leaving the other half of me laughing
almost sure I found love else where

For real it's me who can't stop asking;
how I'm doing or where I've been
it's me whose always here sayin hold on I got you
settle down please
but I continue hurting her..cursing at her,
sayin nobody understands I wanna leave
while she puts me to sleep and says

I will never give up myself because me takes meaning to survive
I will wait for you to grow into me and I will never grow out of you
I'll keep vision in your eyes
my patience can hold my affairs with others and that's what love is
so why hurt me? when I'm the only person whose been here this whole time


Written By Esra Chebli

Don't Hurt

Yourself

I'm feeling a little distant from myself these past few months, and the only person I don't understand is me at the moment..so I guess I'm going through a normal phase in life right? but at these times I wonder if I'm convincing myself..I feel tackled and tired..confused and sick, happy yet upset. My issues don't revolve around others, though I take it like it evolves through my time and energy, which makes me feel like I'm not using my time productively. I have friends I can speak these thoughts to but I need to set this straight with myself and go ahead and write it down so I can think things through. I feel this sense of guilt when I don't take over and let my dreams devour and destruct over me, I feel confused when I just let it be and think over to myself I just wanna go through something that'll effect me in a negative way just so I can write something crazy and feel that feeling like I've accomplished something, but things don't always go your way..you almost never get what you want. I'm not suicidal..just thought I'd make that clear...I chose this background on my blog because it said something to me...everybody goes through those times when their head is over filled they just wanna explode, well this picture connected to me because sometimes I wanna explode but I do it in a beautiful way by setting it in poetry..and that's what the butterflies would stand for. I don't deny suicidal thoughts and I don't encourage it, but people are killing themselves. I understand depression, I understand emotional difficulties and issues within yourself..I understand lonelyness and feeling worthless, I hope I can change somebodys life reading this right now or even help somebody who might be going through this, because we all do but we just don't admit to it we might have even tempted suicide. Depression is hard to deal with, and if you don't cure it early it'll get worse and worse, and this is a post speaking of my own experience.. sometimes you can't control depression and sadness just takes on to you for no reason at all..and if I'm saying this then you know that your not the only one who goes through this. Even when it comes down to a time when you feel like you have nothing going well for you at home, school, love, friends, work..well you have to think nothing is perfect and you have to gain that strength to have things your way..that knowledge and happiness within yourself. There are people out there who will understand, I found my own way that helps me at these times and it's writing, and trust me it's helped a lot. Beauty, Love, Money, Sex, etc..won't help you at all..Express your feelings, and you'll save a life everyday..and that'll be your own.

-Esra

Today wasn't yesterday
but the fact hasn't changed

I'm the girl who hasn't met her grandparents before their life passed
so I care less, by 8 years old they were all gone...
I'm not depressed..never was, but it hit me all at once
instead..
could never imagine death from stress
I'm losing somebody who was once important to me
"X"
who I once saw daily but never on a bed..
what is a bed, the bed that would carry his last breath
though give it thirty days, I'm counting down..
wishin I can count back the minutes from secs
every time I said gimmie a sec was like cutting off his life
I can't explain what's in my chest
because I know it hasn't hit me yet
what can I do..
I already lost him..but still there's more to lose
I only wish I had options to choose
because I wished I was dead
spit shit from my head
rocked pills through my chest
and still never shut my eyes
now it hit me back by hitting the best
now I wish I was living
erased the words I was giving
regret those pills I was kissing
now you say..today is a new day..
start all over?
but you can't change the fact
and you gotta remember that

Written By Esra Chebli

 I need you the most right now

I can't take this alone..

Nomatter how far I try to run
nomatter where I try an hide
You Will Always Be the person I come running back to
if it takes meaning to survive

-Esra

Was it really her?

was she the reason why you stoned breathless, held yourself back on your bed restless..
is it because you can't let loose of your confessions that slept with you afraid of bein inspected
was she the reason why you cried helpless, she couldn't go on knowin she was bein neglected..
is it because u were afraid of rejection, almost sure she was leavin to get cured from ur infection..
was she the reason why you hated..over estimated this relationship, your were so in love you couldn't embrace the situation an take the shit
was it because there was another you were goin to get laid with, you knew she was waitin for that call when it was taken..
was it all her fault? when you couldn't take the guilt and consequences to your mistakes,
you knew she deserved better and could of commenced to another mate
but she respected, fell for you and wanted you more then anything
you fucked up and you were just lucky she put herself to blame..
you knew she never had the confidence or the self-esteem, when she was clearly beautiful but you were afraid she'd reveal...
you knew she was attached to you because of sexual appeal, but she revealed to you the cleavage nobody has seen..
you said it was sexy..the compliment she thought she'd never hear, when for real your buddy's were checkin up on her to the rear..
did you think she was madly in love and she was the only reason why, did you forget that what she saw was in nobodys eyes,
was she the reason why destiny decided your faith? she wouldn't have took the step if she saw all your games,
are you afraid to face the truth? are you afraid that you got so much to lose?
well by now you should know, because its you that is missing the girl you let go..

Written By Esra Chebli

Hard to find and admire the truth

seein the causes

all the righteous lose,

I'd do no good in this world I might just snooze

nap my way through my dreams of you

those nights of loops

I took a pen and drew

every syllable of words that burst in fumes

I cursed and bruised

32 lines in paper I used

to come up with the perfect cure

for those thoughts that intrude.

Written By Esra Chebli

Interconnecting.....NOT ME
facebook
twitter
yahoo
chatrooms

PERIOD.

I set my sites on, afraid to see a Nightmare
fear placed in the blindness am I staring at the right mirror?
waking to an earthquake nobody can see
twisted in the eye of a tornado I can't breathe
leaches devour, reconstructing my dreams
good verse's evil corrupting my sheets
marching down my throat this stress will release
an I'm capable..pychotic nobody can heal,
this war of freedom my protest can't speak
will it take blood..it is blood no time to bleed
about to cut down this grown earth seed..
this world keeps turning..its back, watch myself leave
and I'll retrieve these words verbally
and proceed on accordingly
I got nothing important to me
don't know where I belong what's holding me?
I set my sites on..afraid to face my fears
Fears placed in the blindness replaced with tears
I cannot believe, it's not me internally
broken down..my sensitivity
and I know I had a future..it was set beautifully
the gift given me..I know it won't happen unless I continue struggling
I can't take another breath of pain
I love, loved..am, was..this is my last page
hate and hate underestimate..me, it's that strange..

Written By Esra Chebli

Friend, dear my old..you made life better, you never call..Aim, aim to my soul, my first but to finish was my goal, Say, hey your different from all, but you hurt me you left me to fall..

Red and Rubies, beautiful and gold, I search for my treasure in the chest you hold, Allies the bumpiest roads, my path is short, scarier than all, Gee..your hard to bold, my shame is powered over long time, so short, Mazes, Zebras, and Hawling wolves, you are the people who make life so cold..

Esra Chebli

Be their to provide me with the respect I deserve
is this what I deserve
I`m beginning to think this is what I earned
when I know its the wrong thing leavin me preserved
but I let it go while I let time emerge
by like I'm blinded by a curse
and its why I let these virgin hands break through the dirt
while he holds back on my breasts I assure..
prayin to god over and over like a cat shakin with a pur
but I`m not purified like I'm buried in a dogs fur,
I'm a pig in disguise of a human girl
nobody gets it I sit here acusin the world
dear god, and I just look down to the floor
how do I bow down to you after what you found in my core
I can`t hide nothin, theres nothin to record
my sins are said and done, I know the angels will report
up to the clouds but please dont gang up on me
barely passed a test in school
now I gotta pass the life test while I process learning
dear god,
I don't know what to say to you
elhamduallah,
now hit me with an earthquake and Ill shut the fuck up and prey to you
my soul is dead it gave up on me long ago I don't know what to do
bring me back to life that's all I'm asking you
do I deserve it..
I sit here sayin my du3a trynna rehearse it
cryin knowin I cant reverse shit
knowing if I could id just burn this
repeat the same shit forgetting the importance
trynna envision myself in hell but I cant seem to engulf it
but I'm swallowing this shit and I cant take it
I miss you god
I'm sorry I was mistaken
I need you back in my life
Ill serve you over satin
the money means nothin..my happiness is waitin
I ain't doin nothin without you and you dont gotta take the shit I'm sayin
i Showed zero and that explains through the shit I'm facin
while I sink low given into the temptation
when I know I can heal that through fuckin masturbation

Written By Esra Chebli

My hair style creation for my final exam

                                                                     

                                                                          

              

Made By Esra Chebli ♥

I think it was a message..
This morning left me speechless from fear..through all my years living in Edmonton I never saw anything like this morning before. The sky was orange..not the sunrise orange, it was the orange that seemed as if the whole city was lit on fire, the lightening was bright blue..the thunder was bombing 3ft from my ears..I was looking for an image on google and I can't find nothing similar to this image..this wasn't normal, it wasn't tornado or hurricane scary..it was like the clouds are falling scary..

when you want something so bad, and you lose hope forgetting the strength you actually have, your easily throwing your world in somebody elses hands, time moves this slow counting each strand, patience would be the key the test to making the same mistakes made in the past..though I'm not thankful knowing I got what I wanted at last..to get what I wanted I did everything I can, until I got it and it was like jumping off a ramp..
so my question is..if you're desperate enough would you settle for something much more less than you really deserve if you had to face many struggles along with it? you'll never know until it actually comes down to it, then you'll realize how much you worth something.

-Esra Chebli

If I were to wait beside the clock it won't take me anywhere, I just thought if I do something to forget about time, I find myself running back for it stuck in the same spot, how can I survive?, don't leave me wondering, don't leave me scared, I want to be confident you won't let me go in this thin air, I can't handle myself when your in my mind constantly, my love towards you makes me weak, it takes all my power leaves me with no words to speak, it's just me and my curiosity, your all I have, all I desire, all I want to be, but you don't always get the things you want from your dreams, because sometimes things are just too ideal.

Written By Esra Chebli

This is something I wrote to evanescence together again instrumental for a friend of mine. He wanted me to write something for him so he can record, it was based on his life and everything he's been through..I'm not finished it but this is it so far!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiJeyh_9fMs&feature=related
9sec
man I don't mean to expose..behold..the life of the grown I compose to the rights of the chrome, lights in my home..light used to exist in the sun when I walked over stones, I had steal scraping through my bones you could feel enemies hiding underneath roads I walked upon..the gates that enclosed..air was so strong I overdosed, there I was kneeling..behind the bars of heavens gates..sleeping in a jail sell over seven plates..cloud nine was my aim eleven was my escape, a place, freedom never exists, I betray overdose on meth and cocaine as I embrace purity upon my face, as you trace the syllables walking across this page, stomping to each breath I spit logically, as I erase the past filled with numerous mistakes, humerus to relate, mamas back to my exchange..as she phased while I began to elevate..lonely was my only friend to hate, I can't take the anger it's the only thing that's fits in my place..if I could trace my footsteps back it's never to late, to scar myself with more memories it's hard to explain this pain..lookin at my reflection with shame but I came such a long way..and it means so much lookin at the person I've become, to finally find that person I love, hard to believe when I can't love myself as much..life is never enough, and you gotta learn to accept the one, destiny flamed from the sun, aimed from a gun, it says to be loved, but you my beloved ones think of me as the only son, blood was my ego, I turned to disguised demons dressed into people...

Written By Esra Chebli

You've came such a long way but I've waited for you, 
I'd meet you half way if I knew you weren't comin so soon
I waved flags and flashed lights who knew I'd lose,
But I can say winning your love is the hardest thing to do

-Esra Chebli

 So I wanted to try something a little different in this post and talk a about some "things" in general and clear my emotions once and for all to start clean again. I'm having a hard time keeping up with my posts because I'm not fully finishing anything, but hopefully I can set this out today. Sometimes it's hard to word your thoughts, and I see why..well it's because there's so many things you can think of at once, especially trying to explain something. During this period..I felt a brief separation and distance from people..but I take it as a normal thing in certain cases. It's hard to word how I feel about people, but I'm so stupid sometimes and forgive a little to easy..or forget to easy, which could be a good aspect as to apart of my personality, but could be take in advantage of. Another thing would be, I take people far to serious and I don't realize the "friends" that won't stick around for too long. When your in a relationship your supposed to build and discover new things together through trust and communication, but sometimes you think you are when really your just building a wall between the both of you or they are doing it to you..and no matter how hard you try to break that wall between the both of you they just keep building it..after all the trust and memories spent together. I put the people in my life to great worth, but some people just don't worth you as much or just care less about you..you are influenced by others and this is why it could effect me in negative way just by simply hurting me. In my posts I put great meaning to everything I say..but nothing is complete enough that actually explains how I feel. Some people can't and won't understand the little things that can throw me off easy..and I just came to the point where I just don't care and I'm literally not dedicating or wasting any of my words to the people who do this to me out their. When I write, my first goal is to try and put something out their that somebody can relate to and figure there is actually people who understand you and it's not always good to feel alone, but apart of me always tells me I'm better off on my own, and I can't help but wonder why people always do this to the people who care most about them..and I'm talking about loving someone in general, isn't there a friendship in every relationship?, ok, look right now is an example..I don't know how to bring up the next sentence because I just had another thought..something tells me I'm lucky to have friends, I wasn't the type of girl to grow up with a best friend so I'm used to the environment..I don't believe in best friends I only believe I'm closer to certain people then I am to others..when I go through a phase where I just want to be alone those are usually the times I stay farthest away from my closest friends because I don't want to hurt them from acting different..so I go to the people who wont notice because they don't know me well enough..and that's how I lost most of my closest friends..but that proves right their that they weren't true enough to me to be patient..but who has time for anyone these days? some people can go through things..very little things that can build up into a massive attack that can be so hard to tell someone about because it won't seem like it is much..but it is. Sometimes drama just comes to me out of nowhere, and it gets me thinking like really? I have so much more other things to worry about right now..people I haven't met in my life putting words in my mouth and action at my finger tips, but those things bothered me when I was a kid, they just can't get to me no more because so much was said about me that I can make a whole other evil me out of everything said.. I'm built with a heart and mind..I can see, I can hear..I can taste a smell, I catch onto things easy. This is going to be a very stupid thing to mention but it actually amazes me...today I got a message sent to my phone from my phone company saying my balance or whatever is about to expire, and that's basically next week which means I can't even text if I have any left. So on my plan, I have 2500 texting per month..and you know that would waste in literally ten days, that's nearly 250 messages a day, but my texting is still working surprisingly! that just proves to me how many people just cut me off...or I just simply thought I shouldn't answer to a rather stupid message..yeah things changed..a lot. oh yeah, I forgot to mention, you know some people actually stop talking to me because I look guilty at times, and I just look bad, so they take that impression and throw every aspect of my personality off, but whatever..so..am I waiting for a phone call..a text from you..a message..not anymore, I can't base my life waiting for someone to care about me..it just isn't fair towards myself anymore..Bye to the people who I'll never talk to again, talk to you soon to people who might care, and I guess I'll talk to you later my friends.

-Esra Chebli

This World..Built with beauty, functioned with evil..Looks are Deceiving

I'm gonna viciously assault my religion and stand for what I want, like a savage pass it on and stand in the stars, above all of you, and have the devil right under my arm...nobody can control me as I wait for death to discharge at the echo of a guitar, this worlds so dysfunctional..functioned with evil in the heart

Written By Esra Chebli

Don't sacrifice yourself for this heavenly earth, this world is nothing you'd expect it to be,
trust in yourself and faith..give more than you take..but keep the one and only thing for yourself,
the soul living with in you, don't come across a doubt,
this world is a disease, like syphilis living under the skin you will never see,
only with tests you'd come to find what's planted in this earth seed,
we are here for reason of a slave..hell living under our feet..
run from material temptation received,
being the demon you think nobody can defeat.

I'm saving every breath I've got, but when will I be strong enough to let these words have their freedom, they just wish they'd never be stopped, but trust in my actions it shows in my appearance, it's showin a lot, my jealousy and envy stays behind this dot, is to never be spoken to a soul just leave your jaws to drop, I know a smile will slowly rise because now that I'm down you can finally take the top, even if there were no top in my world, yes I know your shocked, I'm not a pretty girl, I was always lost, I'm so dead..just leave me to cross..on that list of stocks, I never even made it on, forget the talk..the only time I was runnin through a persons mind is when I was bein watched, as I walked by never wanted to assume what they thought, I'd just stress and figure my body needed some loss as I never thought of the cause, People hate me because of who I am disregarding the person I'm not..what you see me to be is not what's hidden behind this lock..I need you to understand that..I could never believe you would be in love, my multi personality but it's me who I forgot..it's like I woke up in a different place years ahead of the clock, I'm young and mature, though my life paused, what had to occur, my life is a collage, that's why people tend to cut me off, grow out of a relationship so easy, and leave me to frost, but my heart's so warm, it boils to the point my emotions are melted away and cropped, I know everything I had but along came were the things I wish I got, nothing was ever complete on my watch..

Written By Esra Chebli

My rib cage is cracked all my demons escaped
Can you feel these walls closing in, can you hear them talking, the ground under me tells me to keep on walking, but the sky tells me be carefull don't look down as the ground is stomping, I'm stuck between myself and what I should do, I'm stuck between the clouds, the sun and the moon, I can't control this as my feet let go of my shoes I can't hold this my screams burst into fumes, my rib cage is cracked all my demons escaped, my arms wrapped in a cast, my broken wings, diattached, my feet ready to break, as they fall through a trap, my sheet ready to intake another emotion of trash, I'm stuck between liability and respect, me against I the entire city of stress, the world on my shoulder and my heart in wreck

I'm going to viciously attack myself..
Through Human nature, The Mind
I can see so many of me
that's when my eyes begin to lie
these rocks callapse over my head
in thunders Surprise..
I'm at the verge of insanity
Do I feel alright?

Written By Esra Chebli

If there were no paper

If there was no pen

If there were no words

If there was no led

Esra Chebli
This is my life

I'm suppressed in a can of Explosives

you finally threw me and had me flaming Corrosives

polluting the air leaving everybody Chokin

runnin away knowin there was an Explosion

leavin my heart impulsive blowing me up into Oceans

I could never stop crying you now left me Frozen

your cold world is now shattered into Erosion

just because you couldn't take the Devotion

I'll remember you and forget what you were Involved in

I'll never live up to you and all this Commotion.

Written By Esra Chebli

UnForgettable Earth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMm758L4UVU&feature=channel_video_title

These Fields, these gardens of flowers an trees, these streets for he See's, He yields, to a sign for he speaks, through natures actions as we bleed, Suffer the consequence, this grass, this air, this oxygen will prepare, nothin will come in to kill you only release out of your skin and hair Be aware, He is angry, He is hurt, His clouds are trying to hide what's in His Earth, for he promises you will burn, these flames, this sun, we left a memory for this lonely god and turned our backs on his "son", a Christian. Jesus I follow a different one, make sense and purify before sayin your done, we prey and look down I look up to you as my only one, we created monsters out of ourselves climbing on his mountains trynna defeat him, while he throws rocks on our bones we will never see him, and his tree's only make it harder and the path slower so we're cuttin them down we're makin paper hopin he'd hear us out, I hide under a roof hopin you'd find me cuffed, let me blend with the crowd there's so many of us, let me send messages for a messenger should be loved, but it's the entertainment it's the lust God forgive a must, I need the pleasure, I need to adjust, because God I'm angry, God I'm hurt, God I'm saving, every breath I've got and see what you'd catch me saying because I'm hurt I normally burn, I can hide my transparency, my Parents see, I don't even have to show you, I believe, I achieve according to your faith  it's my democracy it's my way of sayin Fuck Scientology..These Fields, These gardens of flowers and trees, These streets for he See's, but it's me, it's the strength you've given me, I won't hide from you unless you have lightening because god taught me People cannot strike me..

Written By Esra Chebli

"Girls...Boys?"
I don't know how to word this,
but we're always talkin about guys cheating on girls and blah blah blah..
but I'm gonna take it to the next level..and be the girl to speak up on a MANS perspective..
chicks get mad if they find their man just TALKING to another girl..
I don't know why...
apparently he's "committed" so..it's the one hoe and that's IT..
when is she ever gonna trust him?
how does she expect to trust him if shes not giving him the freedom..or space
a man gotta respect his property..
I mean...a dick can't lay loose forever,
a man won't choose to mess around with a girl whose serious..why?
well because they know what they're getting themselves into..
and when a girl wants to be serious, she gives off the impression of a sex partner and that's it..
but they don't realize that, because at that moment they're just trying to impress a relationship..
so they fall..but the guy thinks she's looking for something else..
and once he isn't giving much attention, they get hurt..
and they start to show what they're trying not to show even more, and that's how they get played..
AND it's not cute to be jealous when you love somebody..that's just F*****
it could be normal I guess but it will escalate to different levels..
girls are like fish..
when guys are fishing, if they catch a fish and don't like it they are gonna throw you back in..
DEPENDING on how much of a hard time you give him as he's trying to put you back in the water..
but girls give such a hard dam time that guys just throw'em to get them off their hands
that's like catching a fish whose biting you and flapping as your trying to put it back in the water..
I mean, I'd just throw it to dry off in the sun I don't care I just want it off my hands,
Girls tend to think about the future when it comes down to guys..
they HOPE to see a future..
they WISH for a moment to drive them towards a future..
like if a guy kisses a girl, next thing you know she's on his ass..
you like me...why'd you kiss me...are you playing me...
like it makes me sick..
face the truth girls..
WE GET ANNOYING..
we're so dam insecure self build up is impossible..
"you can never trust a guy"
"every guy is a player"
it's what we give ourselves off to be..
now I'm not sayin every girl is like this..
and every man is Innocent..
but I'm lookin at the truth nobody ever speaks of..
she starts crying to her friends because her man cheated on her..
when she's been complaining for the past five or six months about the way he's treating her..
and what I don't understand about that is when she goes turning to her friends..
they have a whole load of shit talk to get runnin
but they don't look at the fact that she should of left him in the beginning if it was so obvious..
"a guy never changes"
like why do gay guys have to be so hot?
well we scared off all the good looking ones!
I'm just joking..but it kind of gets that bad..
this is GIRL TALK
encase your wondering..
OK now boys..none of you are perfect..
and I clearly know that every once in a while you screw around even if you love somebody..
it's healthy..
but don't be in your girls face when you got the same shit goin on..
you just hide it..
there are guys who cross the line sometimes..
and same to girls..and girls don't admit that..
they'd be talkin to one guy next thing you know they're in love with somebody else
and the funny thing is you'd never see it coming..
I mean just the other day this bitch was sayin she's in love with me
and when you ask her why she did it...she says you never proved enough..
it kills me..
ok now something else just came to mind..
when a girl is dating somebody and he starts seeing another girl..
"cheating"..
and his girl finds out, and it turns out she knows the girl...
why would you give the girl shit...when your man had somethin to do with it too..
I'm always seeing these girls take their boyfriends back as if it was all the other chicks fault
sometimes..girls allow guys to play them..
imagine how much of your life time this takes up...
WHAT A WASTE.


Written By Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl06Z1Ku1yo
The world Today
People these days can't reach out to one another..I mean I tried it, what happened to friends being like lovers, People these days forget about pride and take it under the covers and push fam to the side, friends are the first and last things on our minds we put into consideration, this is a senseless ride in our destinations, of..learning how to fly in ideal motivations, we use television channels, movies , and body creations..money is what we work for, money is what we die for, live for, and happiness is to will for in recreations..we Import, blood rubbin off escorts of products transported through the province in hell war loaded off the coffins in genocidal prospects workin for a mill during conflicts, and who said we have to give a fuck in times we launchin..bombs in countries not even developed and it's a set up..to kill..murder..how do you even get up after you hurt her..what happen to respect, what happened to time..patience for less in the motions we let..move on when we got nothin left and we become stronger yet settlin for sex, money, the game, the fame selfish for wanting everything creating bigger stronger pain in the worlds innocence scattered across it's face.

Written By Esra Chebli

Losing My Mind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM_n5DFwKDo&feature=related

Trynna release these trapped words..I'm the only one that can save'em
while they scream for me to come rescue it stuck in my basement
where can I go from here, as my feet swing across the pavement
hopin I can come up with the perfect lines but I can't seem to say'em
spit it out of my throat and speak this language
No one will understand, enough with this baggage
I'm goin crazy just left here prayin...
I'm my own prisoner against the guards in invisible faces
Unknown voices tellin me I can make it
pushin me the opposite direction trickin me into basics
rhymes and phases I regularly hate it
listening to the odds hopin to get some inspiration
but I can't reach the master piece stuck with all the information
stop with the bullshit I spit like the shit comin out of the anus
I'm not aimin or lookin to be famous
I'm just saying my life depends on the ages
give me some motivation
lookin back I can finally tie myself into laces
workin like a bitch like I'm trynna work for my wages
and I can barely make up for the payments
my soul is in poverty lookin for the replacements
I'm about to retire over a lifetime maintenance
to cope with the consequence of being painless
I'm aimless in between these lines I can't go back and trace it
searching desperately while I catch myself in the wrong places
as soon as I switch lanes I'm makin some serious changes
while decisions are controlled stuck in different ranges
in my dreams when I'm walkin on stages
No one can hear me I can't possibly say it.

Written By Esra Chebli

Umm..Love fails on people BUT itself

Love is selfish

Love is cruel

Love is..Stupid!

Love is nothing but useless..

so why do we use it?

For Pleasure

For Pain

Love fails in every game

oh..that's the antagonist in this story

ahhh "it will never be the same.."

forgot to mention "it's way to late"

Love have you ever told anyone your wife was Hate?

you control life you drive me insane

who the hell are you anyway?

your planted in my bones what do you hold me against

you make me afraid

but why should I fear you..

you haunt me with your trace

fuck you memories

since when do I beg for a bitch to stay?

but I'm the bitch here wait!

you got me hooked on your drugs

you take me away

you lift me up and say

this is a much healthier way you find this shit in cocaine

your the demon tellin me it's gonna be okay

manipulate me and block my own face

bring that rush through my veins

controlling my mind erasing everything in my brain

I lose my balance

and once I find you I'm shattered in pain..

Written By Esra Chebli