Past a dream, he fell in another place..almost hit the top
but god closed the gates, he questions why
it was just a few mistakes, but how much will it take
to learn a lesson and never break,

trynna run from the hardships
movin silently
to cole, if they never knew ur dreams they couldn't break them down
Ironically,
jumpin to the top, never took fallin quietly
they saw him drop so hard
his bones crushed violently

with all the care and support to help him heal
he's traumatized by the experience god made him feel
to him nobody understood,
so god sent an angel to help him to his feet
how hard was it to believe,
the devil was an angel
the angel that gave him jealousy

comparing a rich man to a poor man left in the dirt
made shit much worse and changed his view upon the universe
hate is the word, his eyes saw nothing beautiful
back to god askin why, why is my life unusual

trynna compromise the difference
between you as a child and other children
for you life seems more timid
to them it seems to be a gimmick
tasting success, while you try so hard to live it
what's the advantage, he never seems to finish

complaining, wondering, changing
there's less to life lately, but maybe
if he gets it together
shit wouldn't be this crazy
god will gift him with a house, a wife..a baby


Written By Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8a0_UGsLAY&feature=related
15sec
So little, so discomforting
I'm struggling
my words repeat
just like I'm stuttering

hiding..no I'm covering
theres a truth
a story behind my numbering

my growth exceeds, yes I'm suffering
governing my words I can't read
writing like I'm coloring
I can't tell
senseless tumbling
uttering, yes I'm stumbling
rumbling while my mind is juggling
confusion elites my heart is wondering

so little..so discomforting
I'm trying to see the best
sooth the stress
and fall in depth

holding back ur flawless attack
ready to let go
no! my paws are strapped

I need you..my desires to want you
conquered..I'm about to flaunt you
lost to..just a cherry on top

trynna feel with you
but I'm just to young
afraid to grow mature
while I grow into your love

What if I wake up one day
trust issues
I'm no game to play
just to good to be true
I seem to struck

obsession..no, attachment..no
emptiness
that's it..u fulfill that
use it..then stash it

what happened
shooting star
a falling shooting star
yes! it was a beautiful start

down a hill we go
struggling
tumbling
juggling
stumbling
rumbling
its just a road

theres the clouds
but we can't go

suffer for both
we will grow to be old
and remember
we stuck with each other through the cold
most of all
I love you

once your gone,
I'm gone with you
attachment..yes maybe
I'm back to nothing once ur gone
ur one puzzle piece that was a perfect fit for my heart
not to big..nor to little
I know where to find your march

January, February, March..
my growth exceeds, yes I'm falling apart
there was the worst part
April, May..
the past? I'm thinking with advance
am I awake

you leave me with a bedtime story everyday
it's to long tho..I can never sleep
my mind to busy working night and day
mothering my heart and keeping my faith

hard to keep that faith
with life..what I mean is
it looks so wrong..but seems so right
uptight about the shit that makes us fight
why do I understand you so well
I must be psyched

like, why am I so happy
and get snappy like,
when shits not right
actually..
when the juggling kicks in
tumbling, stumbling, rumbling

listen..I will be stronger
because your weak
and you break faster then my bones can crack
you have my team

am I on crack? I'm independent
you have me..the world fell against me
but I have you..
but fall against me with it..then
Fuck you

this is magic,
dramatic changes
this shit happens
but imagine
ur an experience here to teach me
love needs practice
shit that would be just tragic

to me your more
and this is somethin deeper then the earths core
truth is, sometimes I snap
my adrenaline rushes like an earthquake
to late you didn't hit that
and your the reason why.
sorry to have such a lack
of patience, I'm not famous for that
(just sayin)

here blamin myself
your not the only cause
I got issues
I wish it would stop
maybe I am a..psycho relationship freak
but your love is my institute
your helping me heal

it feels so wrong without you
as wrong as it might be in the worlds eyes
being with you
this story sets a meaning to my life

fuck you for ever hurting me
I love u, but trust this shit isn't new to me
if you left, you know exactly what that'll do to me
I just miss the way it used to be

this story I keep..will stay hidden

Written By Esra Chebli

Precious moments are meant to remember but u are meant to forget
the truth hurts..words kill to speak beneath my shallow breath
I swallow this regardless, swallowed amongst the rest
you hurt, but challenged to sit in my heart and flesh
underneath my beating chest, there u are flushed in an organs nest
u insist to go back but I refuse to go back those steps
your not worth falling far behind and I learnt that after tasting stress
your fantasy's unbearable..I was never happy, no not unless you left..

-Esra Chebli

I got dreams bigger than me, but sometimes I just wonder how I'm gonna carry it all
sometimes I stop and think, is it realistic to have it all, when it's simply a car, house, and lots of clothes
but then an idea crosses my mind..maybe a fact? if everyone lives up to themselves how can we make the world a better place..
how can we stop using up goods and services for unnecessary purposes, just to have a piece of paper that worths these purchases..? now here's my intake..to help the poor instead of the poor helping the rich...? Ironic isn't it, the rich get richer, and wealth equals power, and just because of that nobody is willing to give up the power to help the poor, because everyone wants to take control some way some how, yet the same people are against communism, it's like there subconscious mind is only aware that they are contradicting themselves in society..now here's the deal..it's all the same shit but just a different pile, and entertainment is a huge part of this..they make songs about changing the world, but the reason why is because its gonna be a hit, and you know they're making millions out of it..but it's all talk, are they really making a change..on to the next song, just a moment of grace..I feel like my dreams are bigger then me sometimes, because my dreams are based upon helping the world, but everyone only lives up to themselves which is the problem..I was told that I was supposed to be selfish at times because I always said, if it took living my life up to helping one person I will, because I benefit from it to..soon people will look up to me as a leader and follow me instead of those misleaders wondering..my passion in hairstyling..or hobby of words..how about I share these talents elsewhere, where it's needed..because these words will never be heard in this society, there's to many people with the same talents using them for all the wrong reasons, but I'm somebody who doesn't want to just make a difference in my life..but a difference in others, I would live in poverty with those people living in poverty that never even had the time or energy to find talents, with my passion I'll be able to push people up with me..but here's the thing..it shouldn't have to be this way, if every millionaire gave up 30,000 dollars each they'll be able to help those countries in need..money is the problem..and money is a piece of paper..not a monster..but the paper that will corrupt the world, and the main cause for bombs hitting homes and the murder to millions of people..Just a piece of mind

Esra Chebli

Defining ourselves through Materialistic Temptations


 Over centuries this world has come to a great massive eruption. Growing up, and observing the younger generation as it exceeds, more and more bad influences are catching the attention of younger children. Role models in this society are deceiving viewers as to what true beauty is and contrasting between what is wrong and what is right becomes much more challenging. Society used to be diverse with different cultures and practices of beliefs and that’s what made a place so unique and special for its own reasons. Watching the younger generation pass along life, I notice more corruption emotionally and mentally, and I truly believe our role models play a big role as to defining what life is about.
 As I sink into this topic more and more, cosmetic surgery is one of the vastest things that influences the youth negatively. The media sabotages innocent people into thinking they are not good enough; therefore this generates lack of self-esteem and confidence. From models who weigh less than a hundred pounds being six feet tall, to the famous Barbie with a tiny waist and enormous breasts. What happens to be in style is the most abusive manipulating system that targets our younger viewers and troubles them into a problematic future. Adolescences end up paying the cost for the rest of their lives just being in their own bodies with this self-corruption the society has triggered them into. Anorexia is a common disorder many of our youths agonize with today; many parents are forced to watch their child’s life fail before they could ever watch them succeed. Psychologically this reconciles an individual into materialism and temptation.
 The world is a diverse place; each individual grows from a root and blossoms into whatever they desire to be, something appealing or discreditable. As the integers of growth exceed, so does our knowledge, which is theoretical that it will be no longer acknowledged as generations proceed. Materialistic temptation causes an individual to lose focus and stray amongst a path blinded. All of these things branch into a negative outcome to our decision making. Parents can no longer take control, because their children do not understand the accuracy of a parent’s hypothesis being in an older generation; therefore a parent struggles to keep their child safe in the environment they live in while trying to keep them home. Materialistic temptation can encourage you to do the unexpected, blind your reality and impulses you to idealism with unnecessary desires.

Written By Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do9htsrJTHQ
(11sec)
I remember facts through out my life..but the logic changed
In fact I remember all of that like it was yesterday
and whatever occurred my two worlds separate
A sad person cries hoping happiness can relate
but happiness doesn't exist it's all in your faith
but you eventually lose that faith..and struggle to find your place
in such a small world there's so much to take
compressed within gastric tanks a breath takes a race
and before you lose it, you prepare to hate
start to seek love to feel comfort..balance, and range
but feelings are never mutual because sadness starts to phrase
and you face certain dilemmas shit gets so hard to phase
opportunities are hidden..what do you crave?
a forgetful memory, drugs..and just a few days
theres nothing to say..it's to deep so when they ask is everything okay?
you reply..just fine..and once again elevate
distant from that person because they see your mind state
but you cant help but hide what's in this picture frame
you saunter through out nights and sleep late
take me away
take me away
you need a friend..wouldn't even consider an enemy to feel this pain

the heat at the moment suddenly rises and creates a flame
you lit on fire but leave her with stains
her tears wash that fire
she complains and complains over your ashes look at my face
you throw a bomb shell, what are you complaining about?
are you trynna say it's me you wanna replace
is their another man but your to ashamed
then she throws silence and your attention starts to fade
is this us? what have we made
talking out of your own guilt
and you tell her you made a few mistakes
I fucked her for a night..
got back to her once or twice
the reason why..is..is..
your answer can't be retained
her love is down the drain
she doesn't understand..no one ever will
unless they reflect upon this just like I did
just like I've experienced in this passage
love is passive...and takes your attraction
away from the bullshit in life
but the fact is..feelings do pay the price
but we get to blinded to know that
we're to hurt to show that

(not finished, haven't posted something in a while)

Written By Esra Chebli

She refuses to expose the truth. Her hidden demon. Recall back when we all thought there was a reason, but her reason brought the benefit of the doubt, we lost seasons, points descend as we rush completion but who believed us. The motivation, funny. Before I slapped you a strange face appeared and you deny the truth as if you were dissatisfied with me, because I used to believe. You can't fool me. Neither could your tears. I've cried many times but because I'm sincere. I could say so much..Hypocritical shady bitches who claim to know Moses and can't stand for their religion, act as though you know it all yet your changing your exhibits, who don't talk shit and use a smile to keep it hidden. You read that correct..who don't talk shit. rest with the difference, she camouflages with people, deceives and sabotages people with a gimmick. Laugh it off bitch, but I know your games more than you know limits.

Esra Chebli

Trying..but theirs nothing I could do to
                                                 save you,
                                  I'd give you the extra lift,
                                                only if I had the strength to
                                                     but I'm struggling to do so..
now I'm falling with you because I can't let you go..
I'm falling for you, flying down to catch you before you break..
        because I know you can't do this alone
I'd do whatever it takes,
now that your given up and you feel like it's the end to all mistakes
                                                            I GOT YOU
                                     I'd let you fall on me before you weaken to the ground and
                                                           evaporate..
                                                                           I'd allow you to crush me to save you
                             and procrastinate to keep me in a worser place
and for us to never separate
 no matter the atmosphere I'll be your template. . .
                                                          Written By Esra Chebli

 Made By Esra Chebli

Made By Esra Chebli

I wish I could call you

wanting to show everyone I'm crazy
the difficulties that phase me
we both know
it takes the sun for the world to be shady
lets call her..
sunny

sunny is a young beautiful girl
who was once
maybe is..still in my world
but I don't acknowledge her

you see..sunny, and people like her
used to be my friends
used to be the people I turn to..
when I felt like turning to an end
but it all turned out to be
people just care less
so who were these friends..

see, friends don't do much for me
I lasted a while without them
but I couldn't take being lonely
so I gave it a chance..
and sucked up for a bit

but there was something strangely different about sunny..
sunny..was always sunny
she'd brighten up your day
tell you everything was okay..
she created shadows,
she made shade exist..
and what I mean is
she gave to much sun
you'd want to hide from her in the shade
and when the night came
she was never their..
but sunny was always in a better place

sunny lived in a home..you could call her sky
it rained sometimes..
but she was right behind shining in another place
sunny blinded the people bellow her
but is she happy?

you see, I tried to help sunny understand
that..we all go through different problems
but..we all feel the same emotionally regardless

but sunny kept shining
never cared for crying
she's already burnt by her own flames
but it kinda surprised me

sunny..was my best friend
sunny was the girl everybody met
sunny is a charm,
the charm I swallowed that killed me
she turned out to be
my greatest enemy.

-Esra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kspj91Ydy10&feature=relmfu
You don't want to show people ur corruption
so you hide those broken pieces,
ur pretty intelligent at hiding the person you are..
talented at holding the boldest secrets
you show them your indestructible
yet your falling apart
using another disguise to hide
the person that graves within your heart
your mirrored reflection is blurred
smudged with your tears
you watch the rain at your window
and think of those unreplacable years
you hold a memory or two
that formed a virus and created the disease
you die from pain
hold the shame
and expect that nobody could believe
your anxiety can't be controlled
it's so hard to breathe
you cry in hope to change
because you surely hate to dream
you think nobody understands
but I do
and these emotions are my greatest fear
I'm afraid you'll catch my identity
and swallow me to bleed
you'll be choking if you only knew
but it's not my intentions
I swear
I swear I'm telling the truth
I just want to be free
and isolate time and grieve
I wanna feel happiness
and settle comfortably into my sheets
but you don't get why I like to be lonely
you don't get that
I hate to feel lonely
you don't see I like to be the only
but I need existence
to be happy slowly
trust me
what I'm doing will benefit everyone
not just me
just follow me
trust my beauty
and hold on me..
I'm nice
I'm pure
I'm a good friend
but the perfect enemy.
I'm being honest
and modest to my own legacy
I hate to break the ice
but I do it desperately
because mentally
it stresses me
intellectually..
it compresses me
beneath rocks
so I'm struggling.

Written By Esra Chebli

So today was my competition..the day I dedicated all my time and effort to achieve a bridal look.

I never placed in the competition, but I'm still proud of myself and the work I've created..but

it some what bothers me. Here's how it went; so before we begin there's an orientation about the rules,

One, it has to be wearable. Two, it has to be clean. Three, no pins or elastics may show.

Four, it must apply to the theme (Bridal). Five, you need to work safe and sanitize your tools. I basically followed all those rules, but what got to me was..A FEW WINNERS NEVER!

yep..it's kind of disappointing because I'd spend like 8 hours a day just to come up with a look, it's my first time competing so I don't know what it's like, and I was competing against older people..at a higher level then I am just because of coarse completion. (To advance in a hair coarse it takes about a year where I'm taking it)..but it's different for everyone. Once I attend post secondary hair school this summer I'm really looking forward to competing again, I shouldn't even be setting high standards upon myself since it's my first time. There was first, second, third, and fourth place who move on to the provincial competition happening may 15, there are 300 competitors in that one, and it's happening at the Edmonton expo center. The thing with competition is that you go through a huge load of stress, and right before the competition your on a emotional rollercoster ride. After dedicating your heart and soul and you don't place, you feel like all your hard work went to waste..and you never know who your up against. Some people pay coaches who have competed in many competitions to get trained, and others like me just have their teacher. Having my teachers was honestly the best, they've helped me through out the whole thing and stayed with me to guide me through my long hours of practice which I really appreciate, they got the products for me, and also helped me develop skill and knowledge for hairstyling. The truth is, in this industry it relies mainly on connections and favors, and you aren't promoted or known unless you are "labeled" a winner which is all good. I'm still able to promote my work myself, and salons alone always look for competitors and dedicated artistic people. I feel like a winner, the people around me are so proud! and hopefully you bloggers and followers are to. This post is getting pretty long, but there's so much to learn and know from competition alone.

Esra ♥

My shield of dignity is dented in, my pride is of no use, keep your head high was just a verbal recruit, the best lay with internal abuse, myself was just the girl who fumed senseless truths, the causes to my effects like affection and when it was used, now dead, with less love to give and more to inspect, it was stress above and way over my head, nothing to keep as I hold onto the edge, nightmares of losing, hard to let go when you'd sit here accusing, yourself blaming the bruising for the pain refusing his frame for your beauty, restrain, and detain his losing of your worth, because yes..gold is buried in the dirt, and when you sit in the arms of a thief, you feel stolen and lost in the streets, when your bitten by sharp stained teeth, trust you'd be sold with baggage and dreams, you'll be the perfect fit, rapped around the necks and fingers of pricks, yes woman need to go through the drills, it's nice falling but not falling with guilt knowing your gonna break after the hardship it took to build, is a sucker for you but flatter to him, hide yourself among all the dirt but don't play with it, a man is a digger and they always look for the easy way in, the easy targets that'll sit at the surface of their skin, they'll trap you inside, it's like paying a life time bill. Don't put yourself in a situation, where it gets difficult for anyone to understand your interpretation, this isn't stereotypical opinions, each strand of words are simply insidious..because the amount of pain a man could set upon a woman is ridiculous and some are to cold to feel and just feed off the Innocent.

Esra Chebli

I settled for something lesser then I am, something that sat under my feet as I stared at the highest, let the sky sit over me because I belonged in no place, I was a follower, and sat alone at my base.I wondered why I was so different, grew up to a chase, ran out of breath sooner before I could eat off a plate, yes..the words split to no sense..I never faked a beating because life gave me the dents, I developed the habit of staring at my face, telling me I wasn't beautiful or good enough to date..because I observed something so out of range, yet here I am in the future emotionally in pain, I followed a path I never recognized, the suppression and sadness soon grew before my eyes, now choices came from rolling a dice, calling to my life take me out of this sight. You'd think in this mind state it's alright, but your blind from the wrong and your used to the fight. The difficult experiences of growing up because that's not easy..having to deal with school, financially getting greedy, now that I'm older I see why my parents said save your money, focus on school, take your time..follow the rules, but I couldn't regret, even if the strongest people are the ones who passed their grades while dealing with everything else, however there was always the richer ones who got everything simply, but those are the weakest so no reason to envy. I only wish I was patient..but patience is a skill that takes a lot of maintenance..I wish I picked my friends wisely..but after all, I developed all these rhyme schemes..I wish I was richer but that didn't change my level of hygiene, I learned a method of staying clean outside and in so it stopped me from lying..One thing I wish, I wish I could go back to all those people who hurt me and say; I was down..but down to earth, but found to be an irregular girl, though I'm just mature and sit in between the clouds and the dirt..you felt high..so I considered you to be the sky that showered over people and burnt people to their nerves that made them sweat, made the dirt dry, made the dirt wet..but it taught us we get dirty from the "best" and that is to you of coarse. Now I know to never treat me worse then others, we're equally alike, I just learnt that the hard way..through countless..sleepless nights.

-Esra Chebli

As a kid..I never understood the matters of life, never thought breathing took oxygen, never thought growing up took a fight. I thought the city I lived in was the world, I never cared or been aware being that littler girl until it hit me..I appreciate because I live in wealth other then living in poverty, but wealth vs poverty are both hell just think of it properly..I'm caught in the heart of this deceiving world with temptations to hard to bare, we care for lust and things like hair, but the poor show true love with the things they share..there's more to the world then just being their, war and freedom, feeling scared, there's more to living then money and air, it's all despair with the things we dare.

Written By Esra Chebli

This style was just made to be put on display

I made some finishing touches by adding purl fanned out wires

that blended through the hair that came out,

and I also have a vail that came out the same vocal point

that set over the face to the side.

(not finished)

This style is supposed to be for the bridal competition at Skills Canada

taking place April 14, 2012!

I have the finished style, with a few changes, and

ornaments completed and placed in the hair,

soft gold and a bit of color will be added to the hair,

and more cleanliness.

I'm going to get the makeup done and create an outfit

 I'll post my finished style soon!

Made By Esra Chebli ♥

My lonely thoughts

She's underestimated, but relies on me
relies on you..but can she see
whose their..it's all about who leaves
but she cares..because losing was never achieved
she called it lost in her matter
and she never tossed what didn't matter
just made use of it..to her benefit
but got rid of the method after
nothins workin out..but that's what she thinks
but to the other kids, she got it set when shes ready to sink
shes prepared and tuff, smarter then most
it's just academic luck
or the opportunity she took just because she was stuck
now she doesn't face herself with these secrets
but it's slowly building so she rips the pieces
shes falling apart..and knows the reason
but who knows, she doesn't exist in her appearance
one to love, but hard to trust
she lost herself
and found the dust
she came to think that her lonely thoughts need the space
from the existence of people she seems to hate
but hate is revealed as sadness in her eyes
but these days it's hard for one to realize
so shes felt by the blind
because she can't see
felt by the old
because of experiences that repeat
felt by the poor
because it was hard to achieve
but seen by the rich and happy
as a crazy boutique
these are my lonely thoughts
that stray night to day
and they weigh so heavily
on a mellow face
my lonely thoughts..

Written By Esra Chebli

Words were spoken to keep her close, but our friendship was like a broken bird..lost with no hope, no I don't know where she intends to go, tho missing someone far away is like climbin a rope, and as my palms burn and I'm bein choked, my arms lock I miss her tone..sisters never gave up and to me lies were jokes, but things turned around now time's a road, with our backs against eachother cry knowin I won't, it was like your choice while I was the boat, hard to rock on..I can't stop the post, while she surpassed a video and flawed the snow..In between my lines through everything I wrote, nothin compares to a heart that broke..and it's not just once it's countless strokes, but with the lack of words the attention smoked this friendship with one shot and hit my bones..I thought it could grow but it began to erode and you could easily say our friendship was simply a rose, the meaning was beautiful but death was domed.

Written By Esra Chebli

Banned from the person YOU ARE

for the person you(r) got to be

Expect(ed) to be, not to be, possibly..No gotta be
Everyday another person is willing to Assimilate their Personality
and Baptize their Humanity
Against The Right(s) of Their own Soul

Written By Esra Chebli

I put myself in favour to you..as my king, yes you promise to give me wings from blings and other things like..sharing the same bed, the same touch, the same breath, the same fuck..never cheat me, lie to me, I've heard the same stuff, so why? why do I wait in pain and get played in games that exist in reality while I'm trapped in a dream, so that once I wake I begin to hate the shit that's been done to me, do I appreciate? my patience awaits me while I crave the attention, my insecurity's trap me, hold me, tells me..he could only make you happy..Exactly, I use him to mock the cure to my emptyness while I'm madly in love with his manipulations, kinda tacky? it's fake so I seal my lips down with tape so I don't say another word in each day that passes away leavin a trace like muddy footprints on a ceramic base, kay..so I tell you how I feel so you see..do you see this as true love or an obsession?

Written By Esra Chebli

In my dreams I grow to be young again

have a second chance with all my lovers and friends

because I'd change a lot knowing I could be tougher then this

nothing rougher then this..

then standing alone relying on a kiss

being a child never thought I'd grow to act like a kid

in fact I'm a bit..weak, far from the tracks, and as we speak

I'm bein run down and kicked to my feet

with my face against a sheet on my bedroom floor

ready to believe I can make it on my own

and set myself free.

Written By Esra Chebli

♥ My Bridal Design ♥

Made By Esra Chebli

Is it Heaven or Hell?

laying on stones baking naked
aiming aimless shaking painless
trapped in cages, life is dangerous
I'm faking changes
waking to pages
working for wages
making the payments
forced to take this
because

paper bills can buy my knives
I can kill me
yet this paper can't buy my life
when it builds me
yes words mean nothing
that's why I might
let go and work judging people based on body type
I'm shifting..
but does it matter like it matters on the roads
I'm thinking..

Over thinking? yes perhaps this makes no sense
but it's simple, like tieing a shoe or lacing a belt
you could never be high enough so instead
we use the green or the medicines of crystal meth
to get, the impression of success, crystals and gems
when it's simply a whistle to death

But I'm not prepared to die
because I believe in dreams
yet I can't survive
I'm sick in grieve
I'm not surprised

just confused nothing to do in hell
but take the time to accept and strive to be well
but I cry in my sell because I don't appreciate my wealth
so I hate myself because;

I'm sleeping surrounded by the devil
and my mental level is like wondering rebels
I'm sauntering for pebbles
possibly petals out of dirt and bevels
of hurt it's stressful..

Written by Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0kpl2qICJg

I'll never be as good as you, no, your 10 woman combined except you never show the feelings of that woman inside, woman are pretty cherishing, but the man you cover her with makes you look like a fool, it's embarrassing, the tears she cries makes you sweat and hold your breath that's why you distant from that woman in your life, you can't handle more then one set, so I always nag and call you selfish, you wont let me replace that woman ur obsessed with..your afraid to play the one committed into you by being with another so you use these woman to make you happy and pleasure ur lady inside, yes I understand because
I'm a woman myself,
so I'll simply ignore you while you go crazy for my help, and you won't move on because I found this woman inside you your ashamed of and you know you'll scare everybody off with her disgusting personality, but it's ok I promise to keep it as a secret, so I blackmail your love and rip her into pieces and the funny thing is I don't even need a reason..I never understood why men seem to never give time, especially when they fall into a bromance, well it makes them feel more like a man, and us woman make it seem like they're committing a crime, possibly seeking desperately for love from another lady because we barely give you any..because men act like they don't need us, like they got enough love so they treat us like we need them but we see them..or should I say her, though when I fall for you I get lost inside so I'm trapped with the woman within you and I begin fighting for your love, and it turns into a whole issue where one of us have to give up, but she'll always end up winning once you finally say it's enough..

when a man falls in love it's a very special thing but to woman it's just another day,

and you cannot train a man to love because a man always loved himself 

and put himself before everybody else,

he already has that one woman in his life within him that no girl could beat

because NO girl is different..

Written By Esra Chebli

They diagnosed me with ocd, but that's because I strive for perfection hopelessly, notice me I fuck up so perfectly, I know your here but I fear the moments that slip from me, my arms are left with you, my heart is left in two, check my speed, limits to my destiny, I hear gimmicks that's supposed to be stressin me, if I'm wrong correct me, because you say so much shit indirectly, causin me to fall back and let me, lose it as u take my happiness so selfishly

Written By Esra Chebli

In order to be successful it takes risks, and to take risks it takes Courage

-Esra Chebli

Hard weekends..

I'm hesitating like I got a gun to my head, sleeping at the urge about to fall off the ledge, as I get kicked down I fall off my bed, these nightmares are eatin me, treatin me with torture frequently and stealin my decency, I'm now so cold as I roll through my bed sheets, droundin in the freezing waters of my history, I'm now floating at the surface like a piece of garbage so worthless, wind blow me away to the flames of a furnish back at home, where I hold my bones of my neck, i hate to sleep alone because I know my phone's off to set, now thunder hits, my wonder splits in dimensions of my adventures to admit, what truth hides that I collide with my life, the external vibe is holding my sigh, now I don't realize the dreams I commit, its a suicide of dreams I intend to kill..

Written By Esra Chebli

What if everything had feelings but we just didn't know? imagine objects like a chair actually get hurt when we sit on it
or a keyboard feels good when we press it's buttons..
Imagine people in picture actually come to life and watch us...:/
or spoons feel dirty when we put our mouths on it..
imagine dish washers and dryers felt like slaves..
that's why they gave up on us those good old days
what if the clouds are actually crying when it rains
what if the the whole world was one living organism
and we were just parasites
what if...we were like barbies to a giant
what if we are a story being read to somebody in a different world
or we were someones imagination.
what if this was all a dream ..
How about..
if we were watching our own wrong doings at the moment
and we had a second chance to change?
it's all your intentions

Written By Esra Chebli

Obssesive

I'm holding on, nearly falling..trynna let go but you keep on calling..leave me alone my mind is rolling..into different clips as time is crawling..so drop me, let me fall in pain, fall in love and climb to hate, stop me before I begin to take, all your energy and all your space, because I'll sleep thinkin of you, I'll dream wishin for you, I'll keep listenin to you..but if your voice quits to speak, and your ears stop to hear..my voice is no longer heard..a disconnection begins to occur..this is when my mind loses it's balance, this is when I know I'm losin the challenge, this is when I can no longer take it, these are the moments he tells me to face it..Convince me this is better for us, tell me this is all simply lust..because I'm going crazy for you..I'm sorry I fell in love.

Written By Esra Chebli

Laughter began with a smile

and feelings began with a touch

is it a path to infatuation

or is it a path to simply love?

Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66b0VcCifj8&feature=related
23sec
you gotta look at this in different perspectives..and accept it
checkin this..not the first..second, but the third view of the situation..what the best is, shit gets hectic and you are no longer impressive, because of stress it's effecting your questions, proving doubts problems are no longer sectioned, loaded all at once and you gotta compress it, until you explode and feel the refreshment of relief from the shit you injected, it's not my reflection, smokin air blazin so breathless,puffin the air outta you until gravity holds you high restless..the infection is so addictive it's endless, until you reach out for help an you can't slow down the adrenaline, it's rebellious, hard defeat the steadiness, the solvent seems to be crushed and happiness is the perfect medicine, the subliment seems to be unknown elements, balance both sides of the equation to reach excellence like your emotionally stable to your intellegence of personal development of a perfectionist as if you were definite of the definition of affectionate you wouldn't be hesitant but confident of the impediment, you would if the pain was atleast evident, knowin your tears are split to millions just makin an estimate, hurt is the sedement, the worst comes to the settlement and it keeps going on it's repetitive..

Written By Esra Chebli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AogSikWufo

It's muscular figure created this physical attraction, as it's joints fit perfectly together causin an imperial distraction, as I wake to this beauty of a painless fascist..a recognizable spark sat and never moved, even in the dark it spoke to me as it blinded the moon, if you get lost into it, you'd never want to find your way out, it's rush is so smooth, afraid to be found..I'd never want to let go of this tissue, and whisper of this magical pronoun as I kiss you..my darkness is so visible in your light, built with razors and caved in knives broken through this cold ice, as creases fell in, tainted eyes, you'd find the rainbow in a rainy night, through it's famous delight, what it had to offer, sat in your mouth and left it to water, words were that powerful you'd begin to suffer,a heart beat would literally eat you for supper, you'd just enjoy the feeling of wonders, and simply feeling upper, but it gets rougher and rougher until you fall as it crashes you with thunder and hits you from under..it's veins spoke through it's circulations, it's interpretations left a degree in zero relations, in my equation, through the substitution of love in this situation, in the constitution of us..it was like no other objective, so I subject this in my perspective, so no objections, it's temperature was just about one degree less, I smelled it through it's cold breath as it hit me with it's chest, held me and threw me down with a linger down my neck, to the figure of my breasts where knocks left a beat at the set, where the sun rests over two worlds of flesh and corsets where we orbit through steps like insects, I'd just leave my thought to linger with pain, pay the cost for this misery and pain..

Written By Esra Chebli

I'm finding hard to accept your changing

Because your beginning to Disconnect

or fading..

from the friendship we were both Placing,

so I made the choice to stick to my base and stay where I'm staying

because walking any further with you would just have me waiting,

and just hurt me when I know that's not what your intentions are stating.

I rather stick to myself..I'm sick of having this Switch turn on and off
It's driving me crazy.

Esra Chebli

trynna find someone to love to prevent myself from loving me
avoiding true happiness because I can't believe
this heart beating within me
I just wanna love somebody..anybody but me
I can't accept the apology from the sadness I did to me
opposites attract, that's why my head collided with my feet
and I brought weakness over my head like my vision never seen
so I'm blinded from my own thoughts..it's the smoke coming from beneath
all the fog..and flames ready to burst free
telling me why won't you just love me
I'm craving the attention it falls so deep
to satisfy myself from the inner rush set at maximum speed
so I let it rain to wash those flames..there goes my tears
walking up along there flys my fears it holds my hear
I can't hear what anyone says I'm the only voice that could speak

I wanna love somebody..anybody, as long as it's not me
because if me and I were meant to be it would of came naturally
either way I'm afraid to take that risk because I'm capable of anything
and that means breaking myself again because I was once happy
but I started to dream..I started packing
leaving the other half of me laughing
almost sure I found love else where

For real it's me who can't stop asking;
how I'm doing or where I've been
it's me whose always here sayin hold on I got you
settle down please
but I continue hurting her..cursing at her,
sayin nobody understands I wanna leave
while she puts me to sleep and says

I will never give up myself because me takes meaning to survive
I will wait for you to grow into me and I will never grow out of you
I'll keep vision in your eyes
my patience can hold my affairs with others and that's what love is
so why hurt me? when I'm the only person whose been here this whole time


Written By Esra Chebli

Don't Hurt

Yourself

I'm feeling a little distant from myself these past few months, and the only person I don't understand is me at the moment..so I guess I'm going through a normal phase in life right? but at these times I wonder if I'm convincing myself..I feel tackled and tired..confused and sick, happy yet upset. My issues don't revolve around others, though I take it like it evolves through my time and energy, which makes me feel like I'm not using my time productively. I have friends I can speak these thoughts to but I need to set this straight with myself and go ahead and write it down so I can think things through. I feel this sense of guilt when I don't take over and let my dreams devour and destruct over me, I feel confused when I just let it be and think over to myself I just wanna go through something that'll effect me in a negative way just so I can write something crazy and feel that feeling like I've accomplished something, but things don't always go your way..you almost never get what you want. I'm not suicidal..just thought I'd make that clear...I chose this background on my blog because it said something to me...everybody goes through those times when their head is over filled they just wanna explode, well this picture connected to me because sometimes I wanna explode but I do it in a beautiful way by setting it in poetry..and that's what the butterflies would stand for. I don't deny suicidal thoughts and I don't encourage it, but people are killing themselves. I understand depression, I understand emotional difficulties and issues within yourself..I understand lonelyness and feeling worthless, I hope I can change somebodys life reading this right now or even help somebody who might be going through this, because we all do but we just don't admit to it we might have even tempted suicide. Depression is hard to deal with, and if you don't cure it early it'll get worse and worse, and this is a post speaking of my own experience.. sometimes you can't control depression and sadness just takes on to you for no reason at all..and if I'm saying this then you know that your not the only one who goes through this. Even when it comes down to a time when you feel like you have nothing going well for you at home, school, love, friends, work..well you have to think nothing is perfect and you have to gain that strength to have things your way..that knowledge and happiness within yourself. There are people out there who will understand, I found my own way that helps me at these times and it's writing, and trust me it's helped a lot. Beauty, Love, Money, Sex, etc..won't help you at all..Express your feelings, and you'll save a life everyday..and that'll be your own.

-Esra

Today wasn't yesterday
but the fact hasn't changed

I'm the girl who hasn't met her grandparents before their life passed
so I care less, by 8 years old they were all gone...
I'm not depressed..never was, but it hit me all at once
instead..
could never imagine death from stress
I'm losing somebody who was once important to me
"X"
who I once saw daily but never on a bed..
what is a bed, the bed that would carry his last breath
though give it thirty days, I'm counting down..
wishin I can count back the minutes from secs
every time I said gimmie a sec was like cutting off his life
I can't explain what's in my chest
because I know it hasn't hit me yet
what can I do..
I already lost him..but still there's more to lose
I only wish I had options to choose
because I wished I was dead
spit shit from my head
rocked pills through my chest
and still never shut my eyes
now it hit me back by hitting the best
now I wish I was living
erased the words I was giving
regret those pills I was kissing
now you say..today is a new day..
start all over?
but you can't change the fact
and you gotta remember that

Written By Esra Chebli

 I need you the most right now

I can't take this alone..

Nomatter how far I try to run
nomatter where I try an hide
You Will Always Be the person I come running back to
if it takes meaning to survive

-Esra

Was it really her?

was she the reason why you stoned breathless, held yourself back on your bed restless..
is it because you can't let loose of your confessions that slept with you afraid of bein inspected
was she the reason why you cried helpless, she couldn't go on knowin she was bein neglected..
is it because u were afraid of rejection, almost sure she was leavin to get cured from ur infection..
was she the reason why you hated..over estimated this relationship, your were so in love you couldn't embrace the situation an take the shit
was it because there was another you were goin to get laid with, you knew she was waitin for that call when it was taken..
was it all her fault? when you couldn't take the guilt and consequences to your mistakes,
you knew she deserved better and could of commenced to another mate
but she respected, fell for you and wanted you more then anything
you fucked up and you were just lucky she put herself to blame..
you knew she never had the confidence or the self-esteem, when she was clearly beautiful but you were afraid she'd reveal...
you knew she was attached to you because of sexual appeal, but she revealed to you the cleavage nobody has seen..
you said it was sexy..the compliment she thought she'd never hear, when for real your buddy's were checkin up on her to the rear..
did you think she was madly in love and she was the only reason why, did you forget that what she saw was in nobodys eyes,
was she the reason why destiny decided your faith? she wouldn't have took the step if she saw all your games,
are you afraid to face the truth? are you afraid that you got so much to lose?
well by now you should know, because its you that is missing the girl you let go..

Written By Esra Chebli

Hard to find and admire the truth

seein the causes

all the righteous lose,

I'd do no good in this world I might just snooze

nap my way through my dreams of you

those nights of loops

I took a pen and drew

every syllable of words that burst in fumes

I cursed and bruised

32 lines in paper I used

to come up with the perfect cure

for those thoughts that intrude.

Written By Esra Chebli

Interconnecting.....NOT ME
facebook
twitter
yahoo
chatrooms

PERIOD.

I set my sites on, afraid to see a Nightmare
fear placed in the blindness am I staring at the right mirror?
waking to an earthquake nobody can see
twisted in the eye of a tornado I can't breathe
leaches devour, reconstructing my dreams
good verse's evil corrupting my sheets
marching down my throat this stress will release
an I'm capable..pychotic nobody can heal,
this war of freedom my protest can't speak
will it take blood..it is blood no time to bleed
about to cut down this grown earth seed..
this world keeps turning..its back, watch myself leave
and I'll retrieve these words verbally
and proceed on accordingly
I got nothing important to me
don't know where I belong what's holding me?
I set my sites on..afraid to face my fears
Fears placed in the blindness replaced with tears
I cannot believe, it's not me internally
broken down..my sensitivity
and I know I had a future..it was set beautifully
the gift given me..I know it won't happen unless I continue struggling
I can't take another breath of pain
I love, loved..am, was..this is my last page
hate and hate underestimate..me, it's that strange..

Written By Esra Chebli

Friend, dear my old..you made life better, you never call..Aim, aim to my soul, my first but to finish was my goal, Say, hey your different from all, but you hurt me you left me to fall..

Red and Rubies, beautiful and gold, I search for my treasure in the chest you hold, Allies the bumpiest roads, my path is short, scarier than all, Gee..your hard to bold, my shame is powered over long time, so short, Mazes, Zebras, and Hawling wolves, you are the people who make life so cold..

Esra Chebli

Be their to provide me with the respect I deserve
is this what I deserve
I`m beginning to think this is what I earned
when I know its the wrong thing leavin me preserved
but I let it go while I let time emerge
by like I'm blinded by a curse
and its why I let these virgin hands break through the dirt
while he holds back on my breasts I assure..
prayin to god over and over like a cat shakin with a pur
but I`m not purified like I'm buried in a dogs fur,
I'm a pig in disguise of a human girl
nobody gets it I sit here acusin the world
dear god, and I just look down to the floor
how do I bow down to you after what you found in my core
I can`t hide nothin, theres nothin to record
my sins are said and done, I know the angels will report
up to the clouds but please dont gang up on me
barely passed a test in school
now I gotta pass the life test while I process learning
dear god,
I don't know what to say to you
elhamduallah,
now hit me with an earthquake and Ill shut the fuck up and prey to you
my soul is dead it gave up on me long ago I don't know what to do
bring me back to life that's all I'm asking you
do I deserve it..
I sit here sayin my du3a trynna rehearse it
cryin knowin I cant reverse shit
knowing if I could id just burn this
repeat the same shit forgetting the importance
trynna envision myself in hell but I cant seem to engulf it
but I'm swallowing this shit and I cant take it
I miss you god
I'm sorry I was mistaken
I need you back in my life
Ill serve you over satin
the money means nothin..my happiness is waitin
I ain't doin nothin without you and you dont gotta take the shit I'm sayin
i Showed zero and that explains through the shit I'm facin
while I sink low given into the temptation
when I know I can heal that through fuckin masturbation

Written By Esra Chebli

My hair style creation for my final exam

                                                                     

                                                                          

              

Made By Esra Chebli ♥

I think it was a message..
This morning left me speechless from fear..through all my years living in Edmonton I never saw anything like this morning before. The sky was orange..not the sunrise orange, it was the orange that seemed as if the whole city was lit on fire, the lightening was bright blue..the thunder was bombing 3ft from my ears..I was looking for an image on google and I can't find nothing similar to this image..this wasn't normal, it wasn't tornado or hurricane scary..it was like the clouds are falling scary..